Name Those Nawks? It’s Pub Quiz Queen Jenny!

And your final question, team..whose messy tits are these?
Well, there’s not much chance of you getting that one right unless you go to my local pub quiz night every other Sunday. And even then you might be surprised…

The correct answer is that they belong to Jenny, a voluptuous vamp who captains my pub quiz team.

Jenny, just 30, is no professional model you understand. Far from it, she has a highly respectable job that involves her regularly standing up in court – and not as the accused, which is unusual for a regular in my local. However as soon as she learned about sploshing she was dying to give it a go.

After a few secret sessions in hotel rooms, Jenny finally came out of the food closet (larder) when she posed for her webcam in her bathroom for a man she refers to simply as Mr Crewe. Far from being intimidated, she loved it so much she couldn’t wait to tell me and wanted to share the pictures with all of you as well, so here they are.

“I used custard, yoghurt, rice pudding, chocolate sauce, choc pudding, Angel Delight, trifle, milk shake and ice cream,” she told me with obvious delight (which ought to be a a particularly brightly coloured version of Angel Delight, but sadly isn’t). “I liked the yoghurt a lot and the ice cream was fantastic. I melted it in the microwave but it was still cold and felt so good on my boobs.”

As you may have guessed from the photos, Mr Crewe is a breast man and not surprisingly in Jenny’s case. She is quite proud of them too even if her as her G-cups mean she has to spend a fortune supporting her twins. “Bras cost me a bomb!” she moaned “But I was willing to sacrifice this one for the cause!”

The only downside to her webcam splosh session was the clearing up afterwards – especially as Jenny still lives at home with her family.
“I had to make sure there was absolutely nothing left anywhere. And the smell was a bit bad, but it was definitely worth it.”

Is this really the woman I rely on to know all there is to know about world geography and Coronation Street? Apparently so… And her talents don’t end with sploshing. Team Splosh (as we call ourselves these days) has just won the pub quiz twice in a row now and more than anyone else this year including Simon and his mob (who incidentally runs a BDSM dungeon and was once on TV quiz Fifteen-to-One).
(If this sounds a bit bizarre, I should point out that as well as Team Splosh! and Team Dungeon, our pub quiz features an ex-East End gangster who pairs up with the local millionaire estate agent, the gang from the cash and carry where we buy our cake mix (who know EXACTLY) what we do with it), an ex-session musician and the local conductor guard from the Charing Cross train, and a group from the local autism home who contrary to the movie definitely aren’t ‘Rainmen’ – they never win a bloody thing).

So if anyone tells you pub quizzes are just for nerds take a look at these as a starter for ten and think what you could do with them. No prizes for the answer to that one though.