Lily S - Custard Queen

It’s always nice to see a familiar face – especially when it’s covered in pie, custard and cake mix. And this week we were delighted to see exactly that. Lily S made the trip down from Derby  for a rematch with Dom who once again trounced her in the travel cred stakes by coming all the way from Korea! On his last visit (also described on this blog), Lily was one of three victims of Dom’s penchant for pies in the face and gunge by the bucketful. This time she had the mess to herself – and, boy, did she get it…

Lily makes the objects of her own destruction!

Lily is a lovely lady who works under a variety of names – and in this case under a variety of substances! As well as travelling from Derby just for Dom’s session, she brought all her own outfits for his three sketches and looked stunning in each. She even helped make the pies!

Sorry, Lily, the pies get thrown at YOU!

In Dom’s first sketch she played an interviewer on The Messy Show where she talked to Dom about sploshing and then asked him to demonstrate on their ‘model’, Ooops, surprise, surprise! The model hasn’t turned up, so the tightly bloused and skirted Lily has to take those pies!

It's a tough life being a TV presenter!

And take them she did by the dozen -  both placed and thrown (and it’s not easy to throw shaving foam pies, Dom’s weapon of choice), gently and hard, greeting them all with a comment in character or simply peals of giggles . Then she stripped off to reveal what she referred to with mock coyness as her ‘bosom and lady garden’ only to be plastered with lots more in both – and of course her sweet face! Finally as if that weren’t enough she was deluged with a huge bucket of orange cake mix!

The future is orange for our naked hostess!

But Lily was undaunted – in fact she was loving every minute and was topped off with even more pies to the face before she headed for the shower to get ready for scene two.

Lily recommends custard - about 8 litres of it!

Absolutely no prizes for plot or gags in Dom’s second scene but they weren’t missed. Not when the scene consisted of Lily S wearing very little (and soon nothing at all) and being covered teasingly slowly but continuously with 8 litres of real custard. Again, Lily not only stood or sat obediently as the rather chilly custard poured nipple-achingly slowly over her head, dripping down her boobs and body,  but she also kept up a running commentary on how she was feeling and how much she was enjoying it.

Golden shower? The custard continues to pour...

“It feels likes being peed on!” Lily informed us (giving away another of her interests?) as the custard trickled over and tickled her bare body coating it completely in creamy yellow goo.

But if Dom isn’t a believer in gilding the lily, he is a believer in gunging it – and our thigh-booted beauty was served a simple  dessert to her custard shower in the form of several more pies in the face (this time real cream) followed by – you guessed it! – another bucket of cake mix! Again with devilish slowness, it engulfed her head and her long custard-clogged completely, and on film looked quite amazing.

Cake mix and custard - the perfect combination.

As a lover of the rubbish pun and the rather feeble excuse for a good pie scene (you noticed?), it is no secret that my favourite of Dom’s three sketches was the last. Here we took a messy flight of fantasy onboard Pie in the Sky Airlines where our stewardess is giving the pre-flight instructions to her passenger.

After once again helping to make the pies in the ‘galley’, Lily started the demo pointing out where the ‘emergency pies’ were located, what would happen during turbulence (pies could fly in from anywhere!) and that in the event of a loss of pressure, gunge would fall from above – with the obvious but very entertaining consequences!

As a result our sweet stewardess went from smart elegant perfection….

"Welcome to Pie in the Sky Airlines..."

to a sploshy mess faster than Concorde in its heyday!

"You'll find our pies here, here and here!"

And soon after it wasn’t just the plane that had taken off , her uniform had been too and  pies were landing on her thick and fast – along with three very full buckets of gunge! But like the cute and courteous cabin crew member she was playing, Lily kept smiling…

"We have a wide range of messy in-flight entertainment ..."

"With temptingly comfy seating at the rear..."

Whilst our passenger did get a few pies in the face served by the lovely Lily, it was clear who was the principal victim here. I genuinely lost count of the number of foam pies Lily was hit with (perhaps Dom will count them for me!) as the plot got lost in the melee along with Lily’s face beneath layer after layer of foam and gunge. These stills don’t capture just how messy Lilly got because they were taken in breathing spaces between the multi-pie barrages. Perhaps, with Dom’s permission, I will take some stills from the video as well to give you a better impression. What they do show perfectly is that whatever Dom threw at her, Lily emerged smiling sweetly – and still giggling.

"On landing, please wait until the gunge has stopped flowing completely before you try to get up ..."

By the end of the afternoon, the three sketches had produced 70 mins of film and around 70 stills (not easy when you are shooting both, but I count myself lucky to have been there). There was a small lake of gunge on the floor despite having cleared up between each sketch and one bin bag was already bursting with used polystyrene plates. Lilly though was still laughing and only to happy to pose for some portrait pics like the one below…

"Thank you for pie, I mean flying, with me. I hope you enjoy it!"

…before even she finally had to give in and get into the shower. But even there I couldn’t resist one last shot…

"Oy, go away! This area is for cabin crew only!"

Lily S is a sweet girl to work with and certainly loves her pies and gunge, and since Dom likes throwing them and I like seeing the results, it turned into a very happy afternoon.

Many thanks to Dom for letting me share some of his photos with you (before he’s even seen them himself!) and, of course, to Lily for being such a happy recipient. I can’t wait to work with her again.

Related posts:

1. Our Messiest Private Session Yet!
2. More Stills from Our Messiest Session
3. When the Munch Got Messy…

As I’ve mentioned before, the general fetish munch held in my local pub in St Leonards is always worth a visit. However this month’s was even better than ever. Why? Because we decided to give the munchers a taste of sploshing!

We had been hoping to stage something of the sort all winter but not surprisingly the landlady wasn’t too keen on having her pub plastered with custard (especially as it had just been painted) so we had to wait till the warmer weather so we could stage something sploshy  in the rather grandly titled beer garden. As everyone who was there agreed, it was well worth the wait…And they nearly had to wait even longer! The sploshing had already been postponed once due to a last minute hospital appointment of mine and this time just as I set up the table in the garden….

Getting ready to go…again.

Luscious Lily up for anything!

One person who did arrive looking amazing and as enthusiastic as ever was the lovely Lilibee, my victim, sorry, co-presenter for the night. Lily is a local lady from just down the road in Hastings and has been sploshing for fun for several years. She turned up at the munch the previous month expecting a demo then only to be disappointed. Now she was going to be the star of the show! See what can happen when you spend any time in the pub with me!

As the storm had abated at least temporarily I set the table up again, and as the water trickled down the drains, the munchers trickled in. Soon the pub was almost as well filled as Lily’s bra and I was getting keen to top the latter up some more but first there was the small matter of torturing a teddy to get out the way!

The pub croc says hello to the Eastbourne mascot

Bernard the bear is the mascot of the ‘rival’ Eastbourne munch. Being a heartless bunch in that particularly posh resort, Bernard (who boasts an unfeasibly large cock and bollocks) was left behind at their last do – so one of our lot kidnapped him (or should it be ted-napped him?) and brought him along. It was decided to subject him to a warm St Leonards welcome. First he was tied up and gagged, then he had an unfortunate encounter with the pub crocodile who lives upside-down on the ceiling (think Spidercroc) and finally he met Rex who formed an instant attachment to him. Unfortunately for Bernard, Rex is a beautiful, golden-coloured corn snake!

Bernard is cuddled by Rex the real, live corn snake

With the weather looking threatening again and in danger of being upstaged by a teddy bear, Lily and I announced we were off to start our demo. Without any more encouragement, the entire pub followed us out. It wasn’t the warmest night of the year. The wind was whipping up (appropriate for a fetish night) and it had started drizzling but that was nothing compared to what was about to pour down on Lily.

Getting saucy...

First we explained that most people preferred to splosh with sweet things and instantly demonstrated this by coating the lovely Lily in sticky strawberry sauce, chocolate and custard. Her capacious cleavage was the main target but some ‘accidentally’ went over her head and down over her arms till she was a lovely icky mess.

The custard hits the spot...

Next we turned our attention to Lily’s favourite – Carnation condensed milk which I started by pouring over her and she obligingly continued by pouring over herself! I’ve never used it before but it does indeed have a lovely consistency for sploshing.

The best place to wear a Carnation

Then I offered to demonstrate the joys of baked beans and spaghetti which (in a carefully pre-rehearsed gag) Lily refused opting instead to have her knickers filled! Bending her down in front of the now gobsmacked audience, I poured in a litre of custard and a couple of tins of rice pudding and gave them a bit of a smack (who says I don’t know how to work a BDSM crowd?).

Then beat the eggs...with a paddle!

This seemed to go do well, so I repeated the trick I used on Tigerr in a recent download and filled the back of Lily’ panties with whole eggs, then smashed them with a leather-covered metal paddle! Call it, if you will,  a demonstration of the best way I know to beat eggs. Sure enough, raw egg was soon running in rivulets down the back of her thighs, glistening in the light of the pub’s security lamps (it was sooo glamorous!).

After another refused offer to show her the delights of baked beans, it was then time to get out the pies. Shaving foam this time – well, the pub has no showers (unsurprisingly) and there was some limit to the mess we were allowed to make in their garden. However, there were plenty of them and Lily was soon nicely plastered, especially with her favourite pie sandwiches.

Splat! Out of the darkness, something came...

Now she was blind and deaf with foam pie, I thought I might get away with using up those prepared bowls of baked beans and spaghetti but no,  Lily had other ideas! With a deft movement she grabbed them instead and had the nerve to plaster her host – much to the audience’s delight (especially the pub regulars).

Revenge! She won't get away with that for long!

Well, we have punishments for that, so it was off to the pillory for her where I could pie her without any fear of revenge! There, Lily took many flans in the face, plenty in the bum and boobs (along with anything else I could find lying around) and yet more custard down her already well-filled front.

Into the stocks with the wench!

Shall we leave her there?

Once I had grown tired of messing Lily up – or rather run out of ingredients – I did the decent thing and let the lovely lady out…

…only for her to attack me with a carton of custard! How ungrateful can you get! Still I’ll let her off for now.

Lily looks smug after another bout of revenge

Besides, it was time now to get clean using the pub’s state of the art facilities – a hose connected to the outdoor cold tap! I would love to say for comedy purposes it was freezing – but whether it was adrenalin or arousal, neither of us felt the cold as we hosed each other down with the water turned on full blast. Wouldn’t fancy it so much in the winter, mind!

When we’d finally cleaned ourselves up enough to be allowed back in the pub, one female muncher was being tied up and the regulars were happily taking the piss out of ‘the bit where you got the beans’, but we were too much in need of alcohol to care. A few drinks later and the largely non-sploshing audience were being very complimentary. Several have offered to have a go and (unless I am very much mistaken) Lily had not only enjoyed herself but become a regular. She is a lovely lady with a proper sensible job who just adores all sorts of mistreatment – the ideal companion. She’s also very entertaining company. So a big hand for her – and bigger bowls. The ones I supplied don’t fit her boobs!

Epilogue…

The next day I went back to the pub to clean up the garden a bit more and collect my things. Two well dressed, respectable men were sat in the corner and called me over.

“Err.. I hope you don’t mind me saying,” said one nervously. “But we are in the area working and happened to come here last night. The landlady said you wouldn’t mind if we watched your little show in the garden so we did.”

“Oh right!” I said slightly taken aback. “I hope you weren’t too shocked.”

“Far from it, It was great fun.”

“Well,” I said half jokingly. “If you go to splosh.co.uk you can see a lot more of it.”

“Really!” exclaimed the one on the left with genuine enthusiasm. “Can I write that down?”

If you’re reading this, sir, Lily says Hi!

Many thanks to Dean (known as Bumblepee on Fetlife) for these photos which I think I can safely say he thoroughly enjoyed taking. He is also the proud owner of Rex the corn snake! Ta, Dean!

Big thanks too to the pub for letting us do it!

The St Leonards General Fetish Munch is held every 2nd Wednesday of the month at the Marina Fountain pub at the western end of the seafront opposite West St Leonards Gardens. It’s run by a guy called Simon and his voluptuous missus and is very friendly and welcoming. And although it is purely a munch (ie just a pub get-together) we do occasionally have some fun – as you can see.

Related posts:

1. Munch on This!
2. ‘Come Pie with Me!’ says Lily S

Make 2010 the great Wet Jeans Summer

Hiy guys, I thought I’d do a bit of bloggin’ since Bill is still running around making tea for builders. God knows when they’ll be finished. All I know is that he’s even grumpier than ever, so I’ve been hiding in Spain for the last few months. However I shall be back in the UK for the summer – so it better be a good one! And what do I mean by good? I mean the sort of long, hot summer where you just have to run into the sea or leap into the lake with your jeans on!

For me, nothing captures the sheer uninhibited fun of summer like getting wet in my jeans! Maybe at first you think you are just having a paddle then slowly edge deeper and deeper until suddenly you are up to your waist. Or perhaps you are in that devil-may-care mood when you just run or jump straight in fully clothed knowing how refreshing it will be. Either way when you get out you will enjoy the clammy caress of a hundred wet hands all the way up your legs and – yes – around your crotch. Mmmm…slowly it warms up in the sun and seems to tighten, teasing your pussy just as expertly as a fella’s fingers so the wet walk home  becomes your own your very own sexy secret. Who needs a rabbit when you can rub yourself up the right way with a nice tight pair of wet jeans?

Of course there are down sides. wet sandy denim is probably the roughest surface known to mankind, guaranteed to take the skin off the tops of your feet especially if they are sunburnt. The simple answer, wear your shoes too! Apart from anything else when the water looks inviting who wants to wait? I don’t. Many a pair of work shoes (the three-to-four inch heeled courts I wear every day) have enjoyed an unexpected baptism this way – though not in the sea. Beach and heels is an ankle-twisting accident waiting to happen! No this is why councils gave us fountains and water features! I defy anyone who has been cooped up in an office on a hot summer’s day not to look longingly at their nearest fountain, pool or pond. Not just sploshers. Everyone! Water draws us like a magnet  and all of us, ALL of us secretly want to jump right in.

And it’s not just to cool down. Getting wet is a celebration. Whether it’s Formula One winners spraying each other with champagne or exuberant fans jumping in the fountains at Trafalgar Square (when they let us), getting soaked is the best way to show how happy you are. Mark my words, if England win the World Cup, there won’t be an inch of wet space to play in anywhere in the country. And I’ll be right in there with them!

Of course, England winning is a big ask, so let’s not take any chances…

As soon as it gets even halfway warm, get out and get wet!

Sod the recession, forget the government and their cutbacks – they can’t stop us soaking ourselves!

It’s free, it’s fun and it’s fucking horny!

So I say let’s make 2010 the Wet Jeans Summer. The year Britain people showed they’re not afraid of of letting go and  having fun by drenching their denim.

Go on – go for a wade, jump in a lake or simply pour a bucket of water over your head and show the world it can’t get us down! Then send us some pictures for the forum…

And, of course, if England do win…save a place in the fountain for me!

Hayley xx x

No related posts.

Don't volunteer unless you are prepared to get messy!

With all the talk from the Secret Diary screening of how to make sploshing part of your sex life, how refreshing to see a live show that demonstrates slapstick doing what it does best – being funny!  And yes, it is messy – and yes there are women on the receiving end, and if the audience in Hastings was anything to go by, it could do as much to make your partner want to take part as any drama on ITV2. Circus Hilarious is simply that – hilarious, and if you don’t believe me, ask my clown-hating mate Jenny who loved every minute!

Circus Hilarious is the wet-and-messy brainchild of former Tiswas regular Clive Webb and stars him and his son, Danny, with a cast of clowns, musicians and female dancers (who, I’m delighted to say, join in the slapstick). The show is an incredible mixture of comedy, magic (yes proper big illusions), circus acts, music and dance (thankfully very little) all set on stage in a comfy theatre rather than forcing its audience to endure the hard drafty benches of the big top. And frankly it works very well. Where else can you see classic slapstick routines alongside inflatable Elvis impressions, ball-balancing, an brilliant Titanic piss-take, plenty of Carry-On-style jokes and messy audience involvement that leaves even those not on stage rather damper than when they went in!

The idea is 15-years-old now but thankfully shows no sign of growing up! The two stars are Clive and Danny – Clive as the ringmaster/straightman/magician and Danny the clown (with 100 other circus skills) who tread a clever tightrope  between adult and children’s humour that leaves them loved by both (just watch the Mums swoon over Danny who, beneath the thankfully minimal make-up, is very good looking and buff as fuck!). So expect plenty of innuendo, fart and poo jokes for the kids, knob gags for the grown-ups, and slapstick, oh yes, plenty of slapstick!

Where else can you dress as a Teletubby and get pied and electrocuted?

Welcome back to the wonderful world of political incorrectness where dancers with short skirts are likely to get foam squirted down their cleavage or sprayed up their short skirts. Where the audience is invited on stage to be given electric shocks from their stools and then pied – whilst dressed as teletubbies! Where pianos explode, old men fart from fake bare bums, and our inflatable Elvis (Danny again) falls off stage, can’t get up in his costume so runs off into the audience in his underpants. It’s as close as you’ll get to Tiswas live – but with all the skill of the circus. This IS what they want. And a Hastings audience on a wet, windy Tuesday afternoon in February loved every minute!

Clive & Danny do one of the messiest decorating scenes ever

I first saw Circus Hilarious with Hayley a few years ago also at the White Rock Theatre in Hastings. The cast was smaller then but, boy, was it memorable. The pretty female singer was pied within the first minute and the first half closed with the messiest decorating scene I’ve ever witnessed. Slosh and water wasn’t just poured it was thrown around the stage (and over the audience!) leaving almost everyone and everything splattered. One woman’s day was made when Danny ran into the audience to give her a messy hug – and Hayley sulked cos it wasn’t her!

"It should have been me!" Hayley sulked when an audience member got hugged.

The current show isn’t quite as messy as this but it is slicker and funnier. The audience still gets involved whether they want to or not! You can volunteer for the teletubby routine where everyone who takes part gets a pie  - and the female volunteer gets six! Or you can stay in your seat and find yourself being squirted with super soakers and drenched (well dampened) by buckets of water thrown from the stage.

Being a singer with Circus Hilarious requires tolerance...

But perhaps the best mess in the current run is reserved for the female singer in the Titanic routine. In a short, low-cut dress, the pretty blonde gamely sings that Celine Dion theme from the film whilst being first attacked with a snow blower full of tissue,

...a fondness for water...

then squirted in the face, boobs and up the skirt with a Supersoaker and then getting the same treatment  with spray foam bringing back memories of that famous Freddie Starr sketch in the 70s.

...and the ability to sing whilst sprayed with foam.

As if that isn’t indignity enough, she is then treated to a blast of compressed air right between the legs! Not only did the game girl in our show keep singing despite her sploshing she even found time to fix the radio mike at the same time! Now, that’s a trooper!

Celine Dion never had this problem!

You can also enjoy other classic slapstick/knockabout sketches as Norman Wisdom’s “Learning the Drums” routine, Charlie Drake’s plate factory sketch (recently revived by Cannon & Ball but done better here) and a surreal boxing skit that was probably the only bit in my first visit that didn’t quite work. With pantos cutting back on slapstick, where else can you see brilliantly crafted routines like that these days? We should do everything we can to keep them alive.

So get off your arse (and the internet) and go! Circus Hilarious’s dates for this year include..

27th Feb: Bedworth Civic Hall

28thFeb: Grand Theatre, Lancaster

21st Mar: Theatre Royal, St Helens

27th Mar The Muni, Colne

29th Mar: Solway Civic Theatre, Whitehaven

2nd Apr-7th Apr  Hippodrome,  Gt Yarmouth

8th Apr: Woodville Hals, Gravesend

9th Apr: Broadway Theatre, Catford

24th Apr:  Theatre Royal, Newcastle

2nd & 3rd May: Pavillion Theatre, Worthing

And occasionally they do an even bigger, messier version of their act in circuses, clips from which can be seen in their two DVDs on sale at their gigs (and with no theatre upholstery to worry about, the audience really do cop it there!).

Hat's entertainment!

Sorry if this review has gone on a bit, but shows like this deserve all the publicity they can get. Your kids will love it and so will you. Jenny has become such a fan she quotes the jokes and catchphrases all the time and has joined their Facebook site (despite being sung to by Clive and insulted – “Hey, you picked an ugly one!” – by Danny) – and Hayley would run away on tour with them if she could! And we are not alone. On their website (www.circushilarious.co.uk) there is a guest book where audience members can leave comments on the show. One is from a 21-year-old couple who saw the show (and loved it) at the Grand in Wolverhampton on the Sunday before the show came to Hastings.  It was their Valentine’s Day present to each other!

For sharing a love of slapstick with your partner, Billie Piper’s scene will have to go a long way to beat that!

No related posts.

Mix pervs and Playdoh and this is what you get

I went to another St Leonards munch in my local pub on Wednesday to be handed a lump of Playdoh by beautifully buxom hostess Hellenes and told to make something ‘erotic’. Sadly my efforts are too pathetic to be recorded here, unlike the lips lovingly crafted by a lady called Jewel and the knobbly cock created by Kitty that somehow ‘got together’ above. But I managed to get hold of photos of some of the better ones…

Morph - the Porn Movie!

Whilst many settled for making cocks or tits with varying degrees of accuracy, a  gentleman called Bumblepee provided two scenes from what I can only be described as a mucky version of Morph including facesitting and a nicely made threesome.

"Cracking threesome, Gromit!" cried Wallace unaware the dog was watching his master through the keyhole.

Also worthy of mention was another couple produced a whole series of plastercine BDSM toys including handcuffs, a butt plug and a cat o’ nine tails (or as one non-muncher described it, “Ooooh look a red octopus!”). And somebody created this fine caned bottom, much praised by Hellenes for its detail – and not remotely cos it’s what she would like to inflict herself!

Bottom's up! Well it is a pub, afterall.

Meanwhile at another table, for the less artistically minded, a gingerly hirsuite man was having his chest hair waxed away rather painfully by just about every woman in the pub much to the amusement of onlookers – and his considerable pleasure!

That was the scene that greeted three young, rather drunk girls, who fell in our ordinary pub on a snowy Wednesday night somewhat pissed and now wondering if they dreamt it all. No, you didn’t, ladies. Check your mobile phones – you have several pictures taking it in turns to lick the cock!

So what has this go to do with sploshing? Well, I did get to tell the Billie Piper story (again) and Jewel is considering having a messy tea party with ten female friends at the studio in the spring – so the munches  are gradually attracting more sploshy interest. In the meantime, they are fantastic fun and as you may have gathered very informal, so you should consider coming down to St Leonards on the second Wednesday of each month. Maybe in the summer we might even get enough together for a pie fight!

Related posts:

1. When the Munch Got Messy…
2. Our Messiest Private Session Yet!

"That was good for me!" says Charlie

Those of you who read our last blog post will now we recently undertook our messiest private session ever at the studio. The result was three videos for the man who booked the session but in quieter moments I also managed to take some stills, so here are a few of them…

"Mmm, the custard feels great. It's warm!" That was Sarah's verdict.

"Come on in, it's lovely!"

Over 30 litres of custard causes quite a pool...

It's another quiz and tonight's contestant's are Charlie, Sarah and Lily

Newbie Sarah celebrates losing!

...before being warmed up with some more custard.

Then it's Lily's turn for custard...

...followed by the pink cake mix.

But somehow Lily winds up the winner!

Her prize? More custard and pies...

Then a long wait for the shower! To think I cleaned that floor earlier!

Related posts:

1. Our Messiest Private Session Yet!

First, I had to make up the pies. Since several people have asked, I used Erasmic shaving cream dyed yellow with food colouring for the main part of the pie. The best way to do this is empty about three cans in a big bucket, add the dye and whisk it till it’s an even colour. Then I plated them up (as those chefs on telly say) and decorated with cheap white shaving foam. The Erasmic is so thick it is as good as real whipped cream and the white foam made them look delicious!
Next I slipped into my outfit. I saw it on Ebay a few weeks back and liked it because it was a lot fuller than many cheap maid’s dresses with more decoration. I am not really a girly girl when it comes to clothing (frills and lingerie aren’t really me) but if I was going to do that, I wanted to do it properly. And once I’d got the stockings and suspenders on I admit I was beginning to really feel the part. I even started walking in that french ‘ooh la la’ floozy way! What’s more, I automatically started slipping into Clown Julie-style facial expressions! It must be something to do with the frills tickling my fanny!

As has become by custom on these sets, I took the photos myself The camera was set up on a tripod with some pictures to be shot on the timer, others in a sequence. The pies looked so good I couldn’t wait to get on with it, and although I managed a few pre-mess shots (which worked unlike the gunge set) I really just wanted to feel those pies in my face. So no surprise then that after a trial single pie (to check the camera was working) my first real shot was a nice deep pie sandwich right in the kisser!

This felt fantastic (it is one of my favourite moves). The only disappointment was having to wipe it off my face so I could see to set the camera up for the next sequence. Fortunately there were plenty more pies to come!!

As well as the dozen or so pies I had made, I had also bought several litres of ready-made custard. I was determined to make this set a bit classier than some of Bill’s (did you notice the tablecloth?) so was keen to put the custard (warmed in the airing cupboard overnight) into a jug. Unfortunately, I discovered that the biggest jug I had in the house was a tiny Pyrex one!! This was a bit of a pain as I had to keep filling it up (it took two jugs to fill my cleavage alone – hehe no pun intended!). But the warm custard felt so nice it was worth the effort. In fact, by the end I’d poured custard down my cleavage, in my knicks (front and back) even inside my stockings! I can still remember how good it was!

By the end I was (as usual!) on the floor plastering myself with everything I had left. Several full face pies, more custard, an ill-conceived attempt at pouring custard over my head and pieing myself simultaneously (not possible, so edited out!). I love this bit. I can be as silly as I want and stop being the well behaved, smart PA I have to be during the week.

The only snag is trying to concentrate on photos when my pussy is aching for my fingers to push its buttons rather than the cameras. Fanny or Fuji? Tough call… As a result I was disappointed at how many of the shots came out blurred (especially my attempts at body close-ups) so they have been left out of even the full set. Even so I managed 90 good ones, and much more importantly had a fantastic time!

I hope you like them. Being impatient I put one or two photos up on my Fetlife page and a couple of members have been very nice about them. I think some of BDSM crowd think I’m mad and sometimes doing these solo sets seems odd even to me. But I love the spontaneity of them, doing what I want when I want without somebody directing me. I hope the $5 charge for the last two sets in full doesn’t make me appear ‘professional’ cos I’m so not and never want to be. Any money (and I am not expecting much as you can see many of the shots free at The Free House) will be ring-fenced, as politicians say, to go toward costumes and gunge! I don’t want to make a profit, I just want my sets to get bigger, better and messier without having to sell my house!!! And there will always be a free version of anything I do available as well on Channel Free.
You see, now I’ve started getting messy again I want to carry on for ever!

Related posts:

1. CC meets DD in Sploshworld
2. Playing with our Dolly
3. Clown Julie’s Bank Holiday Slosh Fest!

1974-1977: At college in Birmingham doing a degree in what would now be called Media Studies. Wanted to be a proper broadcaster! Was said to be good at radio and even TV presenting – despite looking rubbish. Still a reasonable talker as the poor bastards who have had to interview know only too well!
1978: Fuck all. Was on the dole in Aston, Handsworth and Harborne waiting for big offer from the BBC (was applying for loads of jobs there). Not a bloody sausage.
1979: Started freelancing for local magazines including a day spent as a professional clown at Wolverhampton Fiesta (as dull as it sounds) with Ben Lester – a wonderfully cynical ex-circus man. Started local news and features magazine for Henley-in-Arden called Henley Digest with a crook called Eric Beaman who ran off with all the money. Wrote reviews for local Whats On magazines. Did voice-over work for BRMB and Beacon Radio. Lived on packet soup.
1981 – 1990: Got job at last! Chief Sub Editor at Mayfair magazine (I applied for that and Feature Writer for HiFi News – convinced I had no hope at Mayfair and was a shoe-in on the latter. How different things might have been!). Moved to London. Three months later they tried to sack me cos I was a rubbish sub. However I was by far their best writer so they kept me on doing that. After many years, rose to giddy heights of Assistant Editor. Had to run the magazine cos the Editor was always out on the piss. There are numerous stories of in-jokes and gags we used to put in the mag at that time, but they may have to wait until the ex-Editor dies!
1984: Started freelancing for other magazines and television. Wrote for loads of magazines and most of the soft porn titles under numerous different names. Had regular monthly features in Penthouse and Club whilst still member of staff for Mayfair. Also wrote humour for Fiesta etc. Produced one-shot magazines for Dennis Publishing on Page Three girls which became a monthly magazine called Daily Girls. These featured photo stories not unlike the ones in Splosh! though without the mess. Also wrote for respectable magazine like Saga – I was their Nostalgia Expert at 28! Wrote sketches for TV (including the Two Ronnies stuff) and material for radio presenters, local and national. Wrote a show for and appeared in pub cabaret which played in unsuitable pubs and clubs in London before ‘alternative comedy’ kicked off. Did bad David Bellamy impressions amongst other things. Compiled Lie Back & Think of Britain rubbish joke book available in Ann Summers even now. Never went out. Just worked. Had no life at all, but some money at last…
1989: Started Splosh! when Daily Girls was axed (Dennis made more money out of zines about Kylie) but saw it had a small but loyal readership who liked it sexy but not porno. Thought something funny like that would be fun to do and had the money to give it a go. Interviewed guys at Viz who told me how they started. Nicked their ideas. Had seen Wet Shots stuff and liked it, thought this could be the perfect subject – sexy, funny and an excuse to take the piss out of porn and fetish whilst still being sexy and kinky (Viz style). Was helped by a big haired blonde advertising assistant called Hayley who was leaving Mayfair to have a baby.
1990: Left Mayfair and went full-time freelance. Did shifts for Mayfair and Paul Raymond where initially I was drafted in to write the funny front pages for Club International (I had been writing Nathaniel Fatbastard – a restaurant review piss-take and other characters for years). The staff then realised I had all the fun whist they did the dull stuff, so I got given the dull stuff instead (writing girl copy and so on). Started working for Razzle where I wrote most of the copy, came up with ideas for romps and photo sets and ‘played’ such erudite columnists as Bendy Wendy, Cock-Thirsty Kirsty and Dr Deforest Hill (the struck off sex therapist). Still writing for other mags as well including much more pompous funnies for Mayfair!
1991 Mayfair sold to Paul Raymond! Initially I was going to run it but they didn’t like my ideas as they were too “old Mayfair” (they wanted to sex it up). So I carried on doing Razzle and so on cos nobody else liked it (no kudos in writing messy filth, they reckoned! Oh no?).
Produced my first WAM video, Pretty Clumsy Woman (though I had written sketches and linking material for WSM before that – even appearing occasionally). Wanted mine to be cheap and fun rather than 40 quid like the other titles were at the time. Thought it would sell about 200 copies. Went on to produce the other early Buff titles in a similar form. They later made into High St shops like HMV and sold very well for specialist titles.
1992: Moved to St Leonards cos we needed more space. Hayley now a bit more than a colleague! Promptly fell ill and wound up in hospital with blood poisoning after a stomach abscess leaked and nearly killed me. Still working too hard but slowly coming to my senses…
1996: Sacked by Paul Raymond! They made some excuse as to why but really it was cos I was too expensive and they wanted everything cheap now, and not worried about funny any more. So fuck them! Watched all of Euro 96 then devoted most of my time to Splosh! and slowly became less stressed and had more fun.
1996 – Present: Still write for other magazines occasionally. Do bits for radio (including writing a DAILY topical three minute funny for Radio 2) for 18 months. Package items for telly – mainly about Splosh!. Get interviewed about Splosh! occasionally. Went through phase when we were on satellite TV every couple of weeks! (another looonnng story). Took over Gilly’s Silly House in 2003 when original owner ran out of ideas and quit. Been shooting something for them every week since. Hayley (kids now grown up) went back to work and inherited a house from her parents so lived there. We decided to see each other “only when it was fun” rather than have a full time relationship which sort of works. Splosh! forum set up in March 2006 and been quite successful as a fun place to chat with likeminded sploshers. It is the first stage of turning the website into something with the same fun atmosphere as the magazine with downloads and DVDs instead of photo-features.
Still working a lot, thanks largely to GSH, and desperate for more time to spend on Splosh! Now have no money!

Related posts:

1. Hayley’s Slime Time
2. Playing with our Dolly
3. Clown Julie’s Bank Holiday Slosh Fest!

Like me, Gilly had had a quiet family Christmas with her boyfriend and her daughter, so she was only to keen to get back to being saucy with lots of shaving foam. Apart from an interesting moment when she overheard one of her daughter’s schoolfriends (who’d had at least one glass of wine) say, “Your Mum has amazing bosoms!”, nothing exciting (by Gilly’s standards had happened so she was well up for it.

As a result, I decided we might try something a bit different for the second half of our film, Hot! Hot! Hot! (which will be up at www.gillysillyhouse.com this weekend assuming I get down to editing it!). Instead of the usual camera ‘out of harm’s way’ off set, I decided to join her on the floor for some close-ups to create feeling you are rolling around with her in the mess. And the only way to achieve that – is to roll around in the mess with her!

So what you see is exactly what happened – we really were in that close – as she pied herself, rubbed her “amazing bosoms” and generally frigged herself silly. It was very horny to film and the result is just as horny to watch.
The hardest part (no obvious jokes please!) was trying to pie her and hold the camera at the same time! That is a bit wobbly, but you really do get the feeling you are pieing Gilly yourself cos that’s exactly how we did it.

Furthermore, Gilly enjoyed having somebody that close to play along with, so we will definitely be doing it again – so long as my heart can stand it!
You can roll around with Gill too by joining the Silly House. It’s only 12 GBP a month and there are some amazing horny films available to download…take a look.

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