Pied Piper! Billie about to get it in the face

As you may well have noticed with posts on our forum and UMD plus several appearances by the lady herself on chat shows, Billie Piper is about to get sploshed in her ITV 2 series Secret Diary of a Call Girl. As we have recounted earlier, we had a lot of say in this scene pointing out just how sploshing works (no little dabs of cream, big pies, knicker filling, cake sitting etc) and we look forward to seeing how many make it into the show…

Pantie-monium. Her 'client' knows want he wants

We know from the trailer there is a half decent pie thrown in Billie’s face and the stills show some evidence of a big bowl of beans going down her all-too-tiny panties, so it seems promising. In her chat appearances including Friday Night with Jonathan Ross and This Morning (with one-time Saturday morning messy goddess Holly Willoughby) Billie has being saying what a fun time she had doing the scene and the real Belle de Jour (the call girl in the title) has said she has indulged herself  sploshing ‘recreationally’. So one way or another our favourite subject is getting quite a bit of welcome publicity.

Golden Heinz. Billie about to feel full of beans

One bit of publicity we are not so sure is welcome is Billie’s insistance that sploshing is all based in Hastings (it’s a bit bigger than that!). We look forward to hearing from the council on that! Perhaps they will change the signs from Hastings 1066 Country to Hastings Splosh! Country though I doubt it. I was also amused that on Jonathan Ross she claimed to have attended a Splosh! convention in Hastings to find out more about it. As regular readers here know, actually we went to a meeting in a very sober office in London with the writers and producers. They (and certainly not Billie) didn’t come down here to join in sadly.

It does mean that I can boast something I would never have imagined – that Billie Piper has lied about meeting me! Had it been the other way round, I doubt anyone would be surprised at all!

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Sarah's First Gunging

Phew! Well, we’ve just about cleared up after what was undoubtedly our biggest ever private session. Over 150 pies, 36 litres of custard and nine full buckets of thick cake mix (all pastel colours – no red or brown we were told) were thrown at and over three girls – one of them completely new to messy modelling! Yes, it was quite a baptism, but as you can see, we didn’t let her off lightly!

Charlie, Sarah and Lily S learn what's in store

The three lovely girls were Charlie and Sarah from Essex and Lily S who had travelled from Derby for the day. Charlie had worked with Gungegirls in the past and although newly pregnant was only too happy to cross the Thames for this spectacular session. Lily was equally enthusiastic, though she normally works at home with a webcam. Newcomer Sarah was understandably nervous…but it wasn’t long before she was ‘mucking in’ quite literally.

The pies start to fly...

The excited threesome were to take part in three sketches – that meant three changes of clothes and nine showers as well as the sessions themselves so it was going to be a long afternoon. Fortunately our visitor had carefully scripted the items so the girls could take turns in the shower, otherwise we might have been there all day.

..and Sarah gets the hang of it quickly!

The first sketch was a demonstration of pie throwing to teach Sarah how to throw – and take a pie. Not that she really needed instruction – it was just a good excuse to throw a total of around 70 pies at the girls, a lot ending up in Sarah’s direction. Lots of giggling and no shying away – in fact, in Lily’s case, in the quieter moments she’d happily pie herself.

Sketch two was about covering the girls completely in the 36 litres of custard which they all enjoyed even though the magic yellow liquid varied dramatically in temperature from the boiling hot to the freezing cold! Sarah even obliged us by rolling around in the deep puddle of custard on the floor – an act of extreme bravery beyond the call of duty given the rapidly reducing warmth of the mess.

Then came the finale – a sort of quiz with the girls in their best dresses being pied, pieing each other, and then getting three buckets of gunge each!

Charlie's second bucket of cake mix

Charlie was up first and she and baby happily submitted to the multi-coloured gallons of goo. Then came Sarah. The pies and custard had warmed her up and she was ony too happy to sit under the three torrents of thick heavy cake mix…

Sarah feels in the pink at her gunge debut

First  orange was poured over her, then pink and finally a bucket of green gunge was thrown at her and the rest poured over her head…

Sarah finds our studio comes with food thrown in...

But rather than run away, Sarah sat taking the lot only to be decorated with the remains of the custard by Lily for her troubles. A great trooper, and probably the most messy debut by any sploshing model. So big respect!

Lily S - quiet at last!

Not that Lily had much time to be cocky about giving poor Sarah the cold custard treatment! The chatty, giggly home splosher was soon silenced by a gallon of yellow cake mix followed closely by pink…

She'll get you back for this - and she did!

and then green…

Only when our guest rewarded her brief period of quietude with the last few remaining pies in her face did she return to her normal noisy self. Lily pulled him down into deep lake of cake and custard, made him lie on his back and then buried him in everything she could find – ending up triumphantly standing with one foot on his prostrate form (hidden deep beneath a mucky mountain of mess and paper plates).

It was a fine finish to a fun afternoon – even though the showering went on well into the evening and the clearing up filled the weekend! Lily, Sarah and Charlie were all excellent. They laughed, chatted and squealed but never once protested – even though messy sessions in mid-January are never the most comfortable. Many thanks to them, and to our annual guest who always introduces us to interesting people.

See you again next year – and, we hope, we’ll see the girls a lot sooner than that!

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Like me, Gilly had had a quiet family Christmas with her boyfriend and her daughter, so she was only to keen to get back to being saucy with lots of shaving foam. Apart from an interesting moment when she overheard one of her daughter’s schoolfriends (who’d had at least one glass of wine) say, “Your Mum has amazing bosoms!”, nothing exciting (by Gilly’s standards had happened so she was well up for it.

As a result, I decided we might try something a bit different for the second half of our film, Hot! Hot! Hot! (which will be up at www.gillysillyhouse.com this weekend assuming I get down to editing it!). Instead of the usual camera ‘out of harm’s way’ off set, I decided to join her on the floor for some close-ups to create feeling you are rolling around with her in the mess. And the only way to achieve that – is to roll around in the mess with her!

So what you see is exactly what happened – we really were in that close – as she pied herself, rubbed her “amazing bosoms” and generally frigged herself silly. It was very horny to film and the result is just as horny to watch.
The hardest part (no obvious jokes please!) was trying to pie her and hold the camera at the same time! That is a bit wobbly, but you really do get the feeling you are pieing Gilly yourself cos that’s exactly how we did it.

Furthermore, Gilly enjoyed having somebody that close to play along with, so we will definitely be doing it again – so long as my heart can stand it!
You can roll around with Gill too by joining the Silly House. It’s only 12 GBP a month and there are some amazing horny films available to download…take a look.

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Following one or two requests on the the Forum, here is the complete article. Hope you like it. Apologies for the occasional bit of bad language but it’s what these magazines expect!
Top Ten Foods for Sploshing
by Bill Shipton of www.splosh.co.uk
the world’s leading messy sex site!
1) Custard: The first rule of seductive sploshing is “sweet not savoury”, and with its creamy consistency, custard is the ideal love lube. Ready-made Ambrosia (about £1.40 a litre) is the Top of the Slops, afterall you don’t want to be boiling milk with a hard-on…
2) Cream: The spray stuff is perfect for sensuous splosh-lite activity. Ideal decoration for nipples and nobs, just don’t turn your cock into an organic Everest and expect your partner to go down in one. She’s more likely to chuck than swallow. Anchor do a good one (know as Wanchor in the trade cos so many stag girls use it for hand jobs!)
3) Chocolate: Good in all its forms. Gooey newbies should stick to the syrup like Treat (99p in supermarkets) whilst chocoholics should opt for big bags of chocolate sponge mix (from Cash & Carries). Made with warm water, it’s liquid chocolate cake and about £7 a bucketful – more than enough to cover two!
4) Porridge: Most women like to start the day with something hot inside them – or, in this case, outside them. The grey gruel may not look sexy but well mixed, warm and lump-free, it has set many a non-Scot sighing. And it’s an excellent exfoliant! Novice sploshers might like to start with Reddy Brek – it’s smoother and saucepan-free.
5) Eggs: Get your guy hard in three minutes by sliding around in slippery raw egg. Just keep those shells away from your tender bits – they are sharper than shattered glass.
6) Jam/pie filling/peanut butter: I do love things that spread easily – like legs. Just pick a favourite flavour and butter your partner up like a butty. Beware of some blackcurrant ones. They contain blue food dye, so your next sticky moment could be waking up next to a Smurf.
7) Syrup/fruit sauce/treacle: The syrups in the supermarket (strawberry, raspberry, toffee etc) are excellent splosh starter packs. Move on to the maple or big tins of golden syrup next, then when you are really brave invest in a gallon drum of black treacle. It’s like liquid rubber completely enclosing the body in thick black stickiness. To misquote the Marks ad, this isn’t just food – it’s S&M food! Baked beans/spaghetti: Beloved by closet sploshers on charity days, beans are more funny than fruity, and most women can’t stand the smell. Understandable. Would you want to wake up whiffing like greasy spoon leftovers?
9) Rice pudding/semolina: Those whose memories of school meals go back before turkey twizzlers have a nostalgic fondness for a milky pud. Bizarrely, warmed up in the confines of her kecks (or yours), they feel a lot better than they taste.
10) Pies/cream cakes/gateaux: Whether for sitting in or flinging in the face, these are a splosh staple! Make your own missiles from sponge flan cases and custard (or Angel Delight) for a fuck-friendly food fight, or defrost a big Black Forest, strip off and slowly sit in it as a prelude to a long night licking and sucking. Now that’s what I call afters…
The runners up: When I asked the members of the Splosh! Forum at www.splosh.co.uk to nominate their favourites, they came up with 54 different ones in a day! Amongst the also rans were…vegetable soup, mushy peas, marshmallow fluff, fish paste, macaroni cheese, and mashed potato and gravy (combined). Yum!

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