As I’ve mentioned before, the general fetish munch held in my local pub in St Leonards is always worth a visit. However this month’s was even better than ever. Why? Because we decided to give the munchers a taste of sploshing!

We had been hoping to stage something of the sort all winter but not surprisingly the landlady wasn’t too keen on having her pub plastered with custard (especially as it had just been painted) so we had to wait till the warmer weather so we could stage something sploshy  in the rather grandly titled beer garden. As everyone who was there agreed, it was well worth the wait…And they nearly had to wait even longer! The sploshing had already been postponed once due to a last minute hospital appointment of mine and this time just as I set up the table in the garden….

Getting ready to go…again.

Luscious Lily up for anything!

One person who did arrive looking amazing and as enthusiastic as ever was the lovely Lilibee, my victim, sorry, co-presenter for the night. Lily is a local lady from just down the road in Hastings and has been sploshing for fun for several years. She turned up at the munch the previous month expecting a demo then only to be disappointed. Now she was going to be the star of the show! See what can happen when you spend any time in the pub with me!

As the storm had abated at least temporarily I set the table up again, and as the water trickled down the drains, the munchers trickled in. Soon the pub was almost as well filled as Lily’s bra and I was getting keen to top the latter up some more but first there was the small matter of torturing a teddy to get out the way!

The pub croc says hello to the Eastbourne mascot

Bernard the bear is the mascot of the ‘rival’ Eastbourne munch. Being a heartless bunch in that particularly posh resort, Bernard (who boasts an unfeasibly large cock and bollocks) was left behind at their last do – so one of our lot kidnapped him (or should it be ted-napped him?) and brought him along. It was decided to subject him to a warm St Leonards welcome. First he was tied up and gagged, then he had an unfortunate encounter with the pub crocodile who lives upside-down on the ceiling (think Spidercroc) and finally he met Rex who formed an instant attachment to him. Unfortunately for Bernard, Rex is a beautiful, golden-coloured corn snake!

Bernard is cuddled by Rex the real, live corn snake

With the weather looking threatening again and in danger of being upstaged by a teddy bear, Lily and I announced we were off to start our demo. Without any more encouragement, the entire pub followed us out. It wasn’t the warmest night of the year. The wind was whipping up (appropriate for a fetish night) and it had started drizzling but that was nothing compared to what was about to pour down on Lily.

Getting saucy...

First we explained that most people preferred to splosh with sweet things and instantly demonstrated this by coating the lovely Lily in sticky strawberry sauce, chocolate and custard. Her capacious cleavage was the main target but some ‘accidentally’ went over her head and down over her arms till she was a lovely icky mess.

The custard hits the spot...

Next we turned our attention to Lily’s favourite – Carnation condensed milk which I started by pouring over her and she obligingly continued by pouring over herself! I’ve never used it before but it does indeed have a lovely consistency for sploshing.

The best place to wear a Carnation

Then I offered to demonstrate the joys of baked beans and spaghetti which (in a carefully pre-rehearsed gag) Lily refused opting instead to have her knickers filled! Bending her down in front of the now gobsmacked audience, I poured in a litre of custard and a couple of tins of rice pudding and gave them a bit of a smack (who says I don’t know how to work a BDSM crowd?).

Then beat the eggs...with a paddle!

This seemed to go do well, so I repeated the trick I used on Tigerr in a recent download and filled the back of Lily’ panties with whole eggs, then smashed them with a leather-covered metal paddle! Call it, if you will,  a demonstration of the best way I know to beat eggs. Sure enough, raw egg was soon running in rivulets down the back of her thighs, glistening in the light of the pub’s security lamps (it was sooo glamorous!).

After another refused offer to show her the delights of baked beans, it was then time to get out the pies. Shaving foam this time – well, the pub has no showers (unsurprisingly) and there was some limit to the mess we were allowed to make in their garden. However, there were plenty of them and Lily was soon nicely plastered, especially with her favourite pie sandwiches.

Splat! Out of the darkness, something came...

Now she was blind and deaf with foam pie, I thought I might get away with using up those prepared bowls of baked beans and spaghetti but no,  Lily had other ideas! With a deft movement she grabbed them instead and had the nerve to plaster her host – much to the audience’s delight (especially the pub regulars).

Revenge! She won't get away with that for long!

Well, we have punishments for that, so it was off to the pillory for her where I could pie her without any fear of revenge! There, Lily took many flans in the face, plenty in the bum and boobs (along with anything else I could find lying around) and yet more custard down her already well-filled front.

Into the stocks with the wench!

Shall we leave her there?

Once I had grown tired of messing Lily up – or rather run out of ingredients – I did the decent thing and let the lovely lady out…

…only for her to attack me with a carton of custard! How ungrateful can you get! Still I’ll let her off for now.

Lily looks smug after another bout of revenge

Besides, it was time now to get clean using the pub’s state of the art facilities – a hose connected to the outdoor cold tap! I would love to say for comedy purposes it was freezing – but whether it was adrenalin or arousal, neither of us felt the cold as we hosed each other down with the water turned on full blast. Wouldn’t fancy it so much in the winter, mind!

When we’d finally cleaned ourselves up enough to be allowed back in the pub, one female muncher was being tied up and the regulars were happily taking the piss out of ‘the bit where you got the beans’, but we were too much in need of alcohol to care. A few drinks later and the largely non-sploshing audience were being very complimentary. Several have offered to have a go and (unless I am very much mistaken) Lily had not only enjoyed herself but become a regular. She is a lovely lady with a proper sensible job who just adores all sorts of mistreatment – the ideal companion. She’s also very entertaining company. So a big hand for her – and bigger bowls. The ones I supplied don’t fit her boobs!

Epilogue…

The next day I went back to the pub to clean up the garden a bit more and collect my things. Two well dressed, respectable men were sat in the corner and called me over.

“Err.. I hope you don’t mind me saying,” said one nervously. “But we are in the area working and happened to come here last night. The landlady said you wouldn’t mind if we watched your little show in the garden so we did.”

“Oh right!” I said slightly taken aback. “I hope you weren’t too shocked.”

“Far from it, It was great fun.”

“Well,” I said half jokingly. “If you go to splosh.co.uk you can see a lot more of it.”

“Really!” exclaimed the one on the left with genuine enthusiasm. “Can I write that down?”

If you’re reading this, sir, Lily says Hi!

Many thanks to Dean (known as Bumblepee on Fetlife) for these photos which I think I can safely say he thoroughly enjoyed taking. He is also the proud owner of Rex the corn snake! Ta, Dean!

Big thanks too to the pub for letting us do it!

The St Leonards General Fetish Munch is held every 2nd Wednesday of the month at the Marina Fountain pub at the western end of the seafront opposite West St Leonards Gardens. It’s run by a guy called Simon and his voluptuous missus and is very friendly and welcoming. And although it is purely a munch (ie just a pub get-together) we do occasionally have some fun – as you can see.

Related posts:

1. Munch on This!
2. ‘Come Pie with Me!’ says Lily S