Lily S - Custard Queen

It’s always nice to see a familiar face – especially when it’s covered in pie, custard and cake mix. And this week we were delighted to see exactly that. Lily S made the trip down from Derby  for a rematch with Dom who once again trounced her in the travel cred stakes by coming all the way from Korea! On his last visit (also described on this blog), Lily was one of three victims of Dom’s penchant for pies in the face and gunge by the bucketful. This time she had the mess to herself – and, boy, did she get it…

Lily makes the objects of her own destruction!

Lily is a lovely lady who works under a variety of names – and in this case under a variety of substances! As well as travelling from Derby just for Dom’s session, she brought all her own outfits for his three sketches and looked stunning in each. She even helped make the pies!

Sorry, Lily, the pies get thrown at YOU!

In Dom’s first sketch she played an interviewer on The Messy Show where she talked to Dom about sploshing and then asked him to demonstrate on their ‘model’, Ooops, surprise, surprise! The model hasn’t turned up, so the tightly bloused and skirted Lily has to take those pies!

It's a tough life being a TV presenter!

And take them she did by the dozen -  both placed and thrown (and it’s not easy to throw shaving foam pies, Dom’s weapon of choice), gently and hard, greeting them all with a comment in character or simply peals of giggles . Then she stripped off to reveal what she referred to with mock coyness as her ‘bosom and lady garden’ only to be plastered with lots more in both – and of course her sweet face! Finally as if that weren’t enough she was deluged with a huge bucket of orange cake mix!

The future is orange for our naked hostess!

But Lily was undaunted – in fact she was loving every minute and was topped off with even more pies to the face before she headed for the shower to get ready for scene two.

Lily recommends custard - about 8 litres of it!

Absolutely no prizes for plot or gags in Dom’s second scene but they weren’t missed. Not when the scene consisted of Lily S wearing very little (and soon nothing at all) and being covered teasingly slowly but continuously with 8 litres of real custard. Again, Lily not only stood or sat obediently as the rather chilly custard poured nipple-achingly slowly over her head, dripping down her boobs and body,  but she also kept up a running commentary on how she was feeling and how much she was enjoying it.

Golden shower? The custard continues to pour...

“It feels likes being peed on!” Lily informed us (giving away another of her interests?) as the custard trickled over and tickled her bare body coating it completely in creamy yellow goo.

But if Dom isn’t a believer in gilding the lily, he is a believer in gunging it – and our thigh-booted beauty was served a simple  dessert to her custard shower in the form of several more pies in the face (this time real cream) followed by – you guessed it! – another bucket of cake mix! Again with devilish slowness, it engulfed her head and her long custard-clogged completely, and on film looked quite amazing.

Cake mix and custard - the perfect combination.

As a lover of the rubbish pun and the rather feeble excuse for a good pie scene (you noticed?), it is no secret that my favourite of Dom’s three sketches was the last. Here we took a messy flight of fantasy onboard Pie in the Sky Airlines where our stewardess is giving the pre-flight instructions to her passenger.

After once again helping to make the pies in the ‘galley’, Lily started the demo pointing out where the ‘emergency pies’ were located, what would happen during turbulence (pies could fly in from anywhere!) and that in the event of a loss of pressure, gunge would fall from above – with the obvious but very entertaining consequences!

As a result our sweet stewardess went from smart elegant perfection….

"Welcome to Pie in the Sky Airlines..."

to a sploshy mess faster than Concorde in its heyday!

"You'll find our pies here, here and here!"

And soon after it wasn’t just the plane that had taken off , her uniform had been too and  pies were landing on her thick and fast – along with three very full buckets of gunge! But like the cute and courteous cabin crew member she was playing, Lily kept smiling…

"We have a wide range of messy in-flight entertainment ..."

"With temptingly comfy seating at the rear..."

Whilst our passenger did get a few pies in the face served by the lovely Lily, it was clear who was the principal victim here. I genuinely lost count of the number of foam pies Lily was hit with (perhaps Dom will count them for me!) as the plot got lost in the melee along with Lily’s face beneath layer after layer of foam and gunge. These stills don’t capture just how messy Lilly got because they were taken in breathing spaces between the multi-pie barrages. Perhaps, with Dom’s permission, I will take some stills from the video as well to give you a better impression. What they do show perfectly is that whatever Dom threw at her, Lily emerged smiling sweetly – and still giggling.

"On landing, please wait until the gunge has stopped flowing completely before you try to get up ..."

By the end of the afternoon, the three sketches had produced 70 mins of film and around 70 stills (not easy when you are shooting both, but I count myself lucky to have been there). There was a small lake of gunge on the floor despite having cleared up between each sketch and one bin bag was already bursting with used polystyrene plates. Lilly though was still laughing and only to happy to pose for some portrait pics like the one below…

"Thank you for pie, I mean flying, with me. I hope you enjoy it!"

…before even she finally had to give in and get into the shower. But even there I couldn’t resist one last shot…

"Oy, go away! This area is for cabin crew only!"

Lily S is a sweet girl to work with and certainly loves her pies and gunge, and since Dom likes throwing them and I like seeing the results, it turned into a very happy afternoon.

Many thanks to Dom for letting me share some of his photos with you (before he’s even seen them himself!) and, of course, to Lily for being such a happy recipient. I can’t wait to work with her again.

Related posts:

1. Our Messiest Private Session Yet!
2. More Stills from Our Messiest Session
3. When the Munch Got Messy…

As I’ve mentioned before, the general fetish munch held in my local pub in St Leonards is always worth a visit. However this month’s was even better than ever. Why? Because we decided to give the munchers a taste of sploshing!

We had been hoping to stage something of the sort all winter but not surprisingly the landlady wasn’t too keen on having her pub plastered with custard (especially as it had just been painted) so we had to wait till the warmer weather so we could stage something sploshy  in the rather grandly titled beer garden. As everyone who was there agreed, it was well worth the wait…And they nearly had to wait even longer! The sploshing had already been postponed once due to a last minute hospital appointment of mine and this time just as I set up the table in the garden….

Getting ready to go…again.

Luscious Lily up for anything!

One person who did arrive looking amazing and as enthusiastic as ever was the lovely Lilibee, my victim, sorry, co-presenter for the night. Lily is a local lady from just down the road in Hastings and has been sploshing for fun for several years. She turned up at the munch the previous month expecting a demo then only to be disappointed. Now she was going to be the star of the show! See what can happen when you spend any time in the pub with me!

As the storm had abated at least temporarily I set the table up again, and as the water trickled down the drains, the munchers trickled in. Soon the pub was almost as well filled as Lily’s bra and I was getting keen to top the latter up some more but first there was the small matter of torturing a teddy to get out the way!

The pub croc says hello to the Eastbourne mascot

Bernard the bear is the mascot of the ‘rival’ Eastbourne munch. Being a heartless bunch in that particularly posh resort, Bernard (who boasts an unfeasibly large cock and bollocks) was left behind at their last do – so one of our lot kidnapped him (or should it be ted-napped him?) and brought him along. It was decided to subject him to a warm St Leonards welcome. First he was tied up and gagged, then he had an unfortunate encounter with the pub crocodile who lives upside-down on the ceiling (think Spidercroc) and finally he met Rex who formed an instant attachment to him. Unfortunately for Bernard, Rex is a beautiful, golden-coloured corn snake!

Bernard is cuddled by Rex the real, live corn snake

With the weather looking threatening again and in danger of being upstaged by a teddy bear, Lily and I announced we were off to start our demo. Without any more encouragement, the entire pub followed us out. It wasn’t the warmest night of the year. The wind was whipping up (appropriate for a fetish night) and it had started drizzling but that was nothing compared to what was about to pour down on Lily.

Getting saucy...

First we explained that most people preferred to splosh with sweet things and instantly demonstrated this by coating the lovely Lily in sticky strawberry sauce, chocolate and custard. Her capacious cleavage was the main target but some ‘accidentally’ went over her head and down over her arms till she was a lovely icky mess.

The custard hits the spot...

Next we turned our attention to Lily’s favourite – Carnation condensed milk which I started by pouring over her and she obligingly continued by pouring over herself! I’ve never used it before but it does indeed have a lovely consistency for sploshing.

The best place to wear a Carnation

Then I offered to demonstrate the joys of baked beans and spaghetti which (in a carefully pre-rehearsed gag) Lily refused opting instead to have her knickers filled! Bending her down in front of the now gobsmacked audience, I poured in a litre of custard and a couple of tins of rice pudding and gave them a bit of a smack (who says I don’t know how to work a BDSM crowd?).

Then beat the eggs...with a paddle!

This seemed to go do well, so I repeated the trick I used on Tigerr in a recent download and filled the back of Lily’ panties with whole eggs, then smashed them with a leather-covered metal paddle! Call it, if you will,  a demonstration of the best way I know to beat eggs. Sure enough, raw egg was soon running in rivulets down the back of her thighs, glistening in the light of the pub’s security lamps (it was sooo glamorous!).

After another refused offer to show her the delights of baked beans, it was then time to get out the pies. Shaving foam this time – well, the pub has no showers (unsurprisingly) and there was some limit to the mess we were allowed to make in their garden. However, there were plenty of them and Lily was soon nicely plastered, especially with her favourite pie sandwiches.

Splat! Out of the darkness, something came...

Now she was blind and deaf with foam pie, I thought I might get away with using up those prepared bowls of baked beans and spaghetti but no,  Lily had other ideas! With a deft movement she grabbed them instead and had the nerve to plaster her host – much to the audience’s delight (especially the pub regulars).

Revenge! She won't get away with that for long!

Well, we have punishments for that, so it was off to the pillory for her where I could pie her without any fear of revenge! There, Lily took many flans in the face, plenty in the bum and boobs (along with anything else I could find lying around) and yet more custard down her already well-filled front.

Into the stocks with the wench!

Shall we leave her there?

Once I had grown tired of messing Lily up – or rather run out of ingredients – I did the decent thing and let the lovely lady out…

…only for her to attack me with a carton of custard! How ungrateful can you get! Still I’ll let her off for now.

Lily looks smug after another bout of revenge

Besides, it was time now to get clean using the pub’s state of the art facilities – a hose connected to the outdoor cold tap! I would love to say for comedy purposes it was freezing – but whether it was adrenalin or arousal, neither of us felt the cold as we hosed each other down with the water turned on full blast. Wouldn’t fancy it so much in the winter, mind!

When we’d finally cleaned ourselves up enough to be allowed back in the pub, one female muncher was being tied up and the regulars were happily taking the piss out of ‘the bit where you got the beans’, but we were too much in need of alcohol to care. A few drinks later and the largely non-sploshing audience were being very complimentary. Several have offered to have a go and (unless I am very much mistaken) Lily had not only enjoyed herself but become a regular. She is a lovely lady with a proper sensible job who just adores all sorts of mistreatment – the ideal companion. She’s also very entertaining company. So a big hand for her – and bigger bowls. The ones I supplied don’t fit her boobs!

Epilogue…

The next day I went back to the pub to clean up the garden a bit more and collect my things. Two well dressed, respectable men were sat in the corner and called me over.

“Err.. I hope you don’t mind me saying,” said one nervously. “But we are in the area working and happened to come here last night. The landlady said you wouldn’t mind if we watched your little show in the garden so we did.”

“Oh right!” I said slightly taken aback. “I hope you weren’t too shocked.”

“Far from it, It was great fun.”

“Well,” I said half jokingly. “If you go to splosh.co.uk you can see a lot more of it.”

“Really!” exclaimed the one on the left with genuine enthusiasm. “Can I write that down?”

If you’re reading this, sir, Lily says Hi!

Many thanks to Dean (known as Bumblepee on Fetlife) for these photos which I think I can safely say he thoroughly enjoyed taking. He is also the proud owner of Rex the corn snake! Ta, Dean!

Big thanks too to the pub for letting us do it!

The St Leonards General Fetish Munch is held every 2nd Wednesday of the month at the Marina Fountain pub at the western end of the seafront opposite West St Leonards Gardens. It’s run by a guy called Simon and his voluptuous missus and is very friendly and welcoming. And although it is purely a munch (ie just a pub get-together) we do occasionally have some fun – as you can see.

Related posts:

1. Munch on This!
2. ‘Come Pie with Me!’ says Lily S

Sarah's First Gunging

Phew! Well, we’ve just about cleared up after what was undoubtedly our biggest ever private session. Over 150 pies, 36 litres of custard and nine full buckets of thick cake mix (all pastel colours – no red or brown we were told) were thrown at and over three girls – one of them completely new to messy modelling! Yes, it was quite a baptism, but as you can see, we didn’t let her off lightly!

Charlie, Sarah and Lily S learn what's in store

The three lovely girls were Charlie and Sarah from Essex and Lily S who had travelled from Derby for the day. Charlie had worked with Gungegirls in the past and although newly pregnant was only too happy to cross the Thames for this spectacular session. Lily was equally enthusiastic, though she normally works at home with a webcam. Newcomer Sarah was understandably nervous…but it wasn’t long before she was ‘mucking in’ quite literally.

The pies start to fly...

The excited threesome were to take part in three sketches – that meant three changes of clothes and nine showers as well as the sessions themselves so it was going to be a long afternoon. Fortunately our visitor had carefully scripted the items so the girls could take turns in the shower, otherwise we might have been there all day.

..and Sarah gets the hang of it quickly!

The first sketch was a demonstration of pie throwing to teach Sarah how to throw – and take a pie. Not that she really needed instruction – it was just a good excuse to throw a total of around 70 pies at the girls, a lot ending up in Sarah’s direction. Lots of giggling and no shying away – in fact, in Lily’s case, in the quieter moments she’d happily pie herself.

Sketch two was about covering the girls completely in the 36 litres of custard which they all enjoyed even though the magic yellow liquid varied dramatically in temperature from the boiling hot to the freezing cold! Sarah even obliged us by rolling around in the deep puddle of custard on the floor – an act of extreme bravery beyond the call of duty given the rapidly reducing warmth of the mess.

Then came the finale – a sort of quiz with the girls in their best dresses being pied, pieing each other, and then getting three buckets of gunge each!

Charlie's second bucket of cake mix

Charlie was up first and she and baby happily submitted to the multi-coloured gallons of goo. Then came Sarah. The pies and custard had warmed her up and she was ony too happy to sit under the three torrents of thick heavy cake mix…

Sarah feels in the pink at her gunge debut

First  orange was poured over her, then pink and finally a bucket of green gunge was thrown at her and the rest poured over her head…

Sarah finds our studio comes with food thrown in...

But rather than run away, Sarah sat taking the lot only to be decorated with the remains of the custard by Lily for her troubles. A great trooper, and probably the most messy debut by any sploshing model. So big respect!

Lily S - quiet at last!

Not that Lily had much time to be cocky about giving poor Sarah the cold custard treatment! The chatty, giggly home splosher was soon silenced by a gallon of yellow cake mix followed closely by pink…

She'll get you back for this - and she did!

and then green…

Only when our guest rewarded her brief period of quietude with the last few remaining pies in her face did she return to her normal noisy self. Lily pulled him down into deep lake of cake and custard, made him lie on his back and then buried him in everything she could find – ending up triumphantly standing with one foot on his prostrate form (hidden deep beneath a mucky mountain of mess and paper plates).

It was a fine finish to a fun afternoon – even though the showering went on well into the evening and the clearing up filled the weekend! Lily, Sarah and Charlie were all excellent. They laughed, chatted and squealed but never once protested – even though messy sessions in mid-January are never the most comfortable. Many thanks to them, and to our annual guest who always introduces us to interesting people.

See you again next year – and, we hope, we’ll see the girls a lot sooner than that!

Related posts:

1. More Stills from Our Messiest Session
2. Who’s a Silly Billie?
3. Munch on This!

“Now if you are sitting comfortably, perhaps you’d like to see the menu…”

Related posts:

1. Channel Free

This channel will be frequently updated as we find more stuff, wipe the custard off it and scan it it, so stay tuned…

This is CHANNEL FREE from SPLOSH!

Related posts:

1. Free House

First, I had to make up the pies. Since several people have asked, I used Erasmic shaving cream dyed yellow with food colouring for the main part of the pie. The best way to do this is empty about three cans in a big bucket, add the dye and whisk it till it’s an even colour. Then I plated them up (as those chefs on telly say) and decorated with cheap white shaving foam. The Erasmic is so thick it is as good as real whipped cream and the white foam made them look delicious!
Next I slipped into my outfit. I saw it on Ebay a few weeks back and liked it because it was a lot fuller than many cheap maid’s dresses with more decoration. I am not really a girly girl when it comes to clothing (frills and lingerie aren’t really me) but if I was going to do that, I wanted to do it properly. And once I’d got the stockings and suspenders on I admit I was beginning to really feel the part. I even started walking in that french ‘ooh la la’ floozy way! What’s more, I automatically started slipping into Clown Julie-style facial expressions! It must be something to do with the frills tickling my fanny!

As has become by custom on these sets, I took the photos myself The camera was set up on a tripod with some pictures to be shot on the timer, others in a sequence. The pies looked so good I couldn’t wait to get on with it, and although I managed a few pre-mess shots (which worked unlike the gunge set) I really just wanted to feel those pies in my face. So no surprise then that after a trial single pie (to check the camera was working) my first real shot was a nice deep pie sandwich right in the kisser!

This felt fantastic (it is one of my favourite moves). The only disappointment was having to wipe it off my face so I could see to set the camera up for the next sequence. Fortunately there were plenty more pies to come!!

As well as the dozen or so pies I had made, I had also bought several litres of ready-made custard. I was determined to make this set a bit classier than some of Bill’s (did you notice the tablecloth?) so was keen to put the custard (warmed in the airing cupboard overnight) into a jug. Unfortunately, I discovered that the biggest jug I had in the house was a tiny Pyrex one!! This was a bit of a pain as I had to keep filling it up (it took two jugs to fill my cleavage alone – hehe no pun intended!). But the warm custard felt so nice it was worth the effort. In fact, by the end I’d poured custard down my cleavage, in my knicks (front and back) even inside my stockings! I can still remember how good it was!

By the end I was (as usual!) on the floor plastering myself with everything I had left. Several full face pies, more custard, an ill-conceived attempt at pouring custard over my head and pieing myself simultaneously (not possible, so edited out!). I love this bit. I can be as silly as I want and stop being the well behaved, smart PA I have to be during the week.

The only snag is trying to concentrate on photos when my pussy is aching for my fingers to push its buttons rather than the cameras. Fanny or Fuji? Tough call… As a result I was disappointed at how many of the shots came out blurred (especially my attempts at body close-ups) so they have been left out of even the full set. Even so I managed 90 good ones, and much more importantly had a fantastic time!

I hope you like them. Being impatient I put one or two photos up on my Fetlife page and a couple of members have been very nice about them. I think some of BDSM crowd think I’m mad and sometimes doing these solo sets seems odd even to me. But I love the spontaneity of them, doing what I want when I want without somebody directing me. I hope the $5 charge for the last two sets in full doesn’t make me appear ‘professional’ cos I’m so not and never want to be. Any money (and I am not expecting much as you can see many of the shots free at The Free House) will be ring-fenced, as politicians say, to go toward costumes and gunge! I don’t want to make a profit, I just want my sets to get bigger, better and messier without having to sell my house!!! And there will always be a free version of anything I do available as well on Channel Free.
You see, now I’ve started getting messy again I want to carry on for ever!

Related posts:

1. CC meets DD in Sploshworld
2. Playing with our Dolly
3. Clown Julie’s Bank Holiday Slosh Fest!

The four sketches include Davina’s amazing Newsreading stint which sees her soaked to the skin, deluged with food, sticky with syrup, sprayed with paint, covered in mud and then topped off with treacle (by which time she is lying naked on the newsdesk!). It was shot at Brian Grove of Crazy Girls’ place in Preston (Davina being a fellow student there at that time) with me pouring the stuff from a balcony way above the set. This made it hard to aim and incredibly hot! To hear more about it, read the notes on the film at www.hits.sploshdownloads.com.

Fans of big boobs should definitely not miss Karen and Rani making a wedding cake. Both buxom girls get their titanic tits covered (and the rest of them, of course) with Karen reacting in her usual slightly offbeat way!

And there is a rather fine wetlook and clay scene featuring a very young Vicky Ford installing a very unpredictable shower. It starts with her getting drenched in denim (jeans and jacket) before she changes into a stunning blue satin suit which gets coated in clay before she showers in that as well. We and messy satin fans, take note!

But for brilliant reactions, acting and facial expressions, it really is hard to beat Sammy-Jane consumer testing custard pies on posh presenter, Ophelia. The latter’s acting was so good in fact that it caught us out completely – we really did think she was in a strop at one point! You can also spot a few instances of Sammy laughing at her performance during the sketch. It really is great fun – though Sam doesn’t look that pleased in the pic below!

Anyway, we hope you like our latest selection. There’s plenty more to come, so keep an eye on the site.

No related posts.

2) The Travelodge is convenient for both the railway and the venue. A bit too convenient for the former you might argue – this was the view from my hotel room window…

It is also very handy for the bus station. I was pleased to see that Warrington has its own fleet of ‘corporation buses’ rather than selling out to Arriva or Stagecoach like so many. These bear the logo “Warrington Borough Council – Making Warrington Move”. What – House? Their bowels?
3) Travelodges great for the health conscious! They are fine for one or two nights but a big step down from a Premier Inn. For a start they have absolutely no catering facilities or bar on the premises. So instead of gorging on the “All you can eat” £7 breakfast as I did in Bristol for their Splunch, in Warrington I had to make do with a tiny parcel dropped outside my door at 7am. Once opened this revealed a tea bag and paper cup, a small bottle of orange juice, a Nutragrain bar and a pot of cereal so small it came with a folding spoon! This cost an extortionate £4.50.

Don’t buy it! There’s a good cafe that does full English just down the road.
4) The Munch is held in the excellent Blue Bell pub in the pedestrian part of the town. Actually most of the town is pedestrianised cos Warrington has been “planned”. Cycle tracks and pedestrian crossings are everywhere which makes it very pleasant to walk around, but a nightmare to park in (I’m told). The pub is handily placed next to a ‘performing’ fountain however woe-betide any drinkers who venture

near it with a glass in their hand. A large mis-spelt and unpunctuated sign in the pub (neatly corrected by a customer in biro) warn that any customer “taking their drinks near the fountain will have them taken away”. I can’t imagine what might have happened in the past can you? Closet sploshers are everywhere.
5) Warrington is a town that has its priorities right. Ten yards from the pub is a massive double fronted shoe shop called Funky Dory selling fetishy high heels and seemingly thriving. Two doors along there is a Starbucks that has closed down! Thank God Hayley wasn’t with me, we would never have got past the window display without melting her plastic.

6) The atmosphere at the Warrington Splunch is very relaxed and casual. Claymore Wam and Muckypup who are the veteran organisers of it (no implication about age there, chaps) are nonetheless quite new to the world of munches so almost as nervous as you probably will be. Nonetheless Claymore is not short of things to say…he is an expert on just about everything from British comedy to postcodes, not to mention TV testcards (I said, not to mention TV testcards!). So don’t worry about being nerdy. You’ll feel right at home!
Not that everyone there was a pub trivia fan. Muckypup is refreshingly down to earth (and handy for derailing conversation that get too orientated towards steam trains) and there were other guests to keep everyone entertained. Carmen Fantastic, a beautiful brunette submissive from Liverpool and her partner Gentleman Bastard (who was much more the former than the latter) have been performing in their local fetish club for some time and clearly love sploshing. Rhoobarb’s whose custard-covered boobs have graced the forum many times came all the way from Scotland and it was good to see them in the flesh along with her man. Then there was Ghostrider from Newcastle who seemed emminently sensible for a man with a lot of Guinness inside him. All very, very pleasant people to talk to, so you really should come along. I think they have all forgiven me for talking too much.
7) Don’t worry if you’re shy – everyone is! Because a lot of Splunches now have photos of many of the people there it is easy to get the idea that everyone is now totally ‘out’ about their love of sploshing and wants to share it with the world. Not so. When I suggested a group picture in Warrington, adding that anyone who didn’t want to be in it should move out of the way, all but two people moved! As I result, I settled for this shot instead!

There’s a lot of self-congratulation and back slapping by munching members and organisers these days and new people might get the impression that if they attend an event they will find themselves exposed. Nothing is further from the truth. Claymore Wam won’t appear in pictures and he organises it! So don’t let that stop you! The locals are friendly. Everyone I met in Warrington was very easy going and I hardly felt like a namby-pamby southern poof at all. The night receptionist didn’t take the piss when I came in slightly drunk, and the girl on during the day gave me a fascinating description into her day trip to Wembley to see JLS, Alexandra Burke and other X Factoristas perform for the Girl Guides. The waiter at Mojos restaurant even forgave our rubbish attempt at ordering Tapas which resulted in several different plates of meatballs and not much else. He hardly giggled at all.
9) Virgin Trains aren’t THAT bad. My journey back by tilting Pendolino train was not only non-stop from Warrington all the way to Euston but arrived 10 minutes early. “We apologise for the inconvenience caused..” said the announcer but I think he was taking the piss. Over 175 miles in 1hr 45mins – that’s an average of over 100mph. And no the tilting mechanism doesn’t make you feel sick. Actually watching the scenery suddenly tilting towards you is almost exactly like being pissed.
10) It makes you want to do it all again NOW! So many things I meant to say, even more I meant not to say. Too much talk about the Two Ronnies, not enough asking about what people wanted from us. I wish I could go back and do it again. Unfortunately the next one isn’t until April 17th. Surely somebody can organise another meet in the north of England before then. I hope so.

No related posts.

The correct answer is that they belong to Jenny, a voluptuous vamp who captains my pub quiz team.

Jenny, just 30, is no professional model you understand. Far from it, she has a highly respectable job that involves her regularly standing up in court – and not as the accused, which is unusual for a regular in my local. However as soon as she learned about sploshing she was dying to give it a go.

After a few secret sessions in hotel rooms, Jenny finally came out of the food closet (larder) when she posed for her webcam in her bathroom for a man she refers to simply as Mr Crewe. Far from being intimidated, she loved it so much she couldn’t wait to tell me and wanted to share the pictures with all of you as well, so here they are.

“I used custard, yoghurt, rice pudding, chocolate sauce, choc pudding, Angel Delight, trifle, milk shake and ice cream,” she told me with obvious delight (which ought to be a a particularly brightly coloured version of Angel Delight, but sadly isn’t). “I liked the yoghurt a lot and the ice cream was fantastic. I melted it in the microwave but it was still cold and felt so good on my boobs.”

As you may have guessed from the photos, Mr Crewe is a breast man and not surprisingly in Jenny’s case. She is quite proud of them too even if her as her G-cups mean she has to spend a fortune supporting her twins. “Bras cost me a bomb!” she moaned “But I was willing to sacrifice this one for the cause!”

The only downside to her webcam splosh session was the clearing up afterwards – especially as Jenny still lives at home with her family.
“I had to make sure there was absolutely nothing left anywhere. And the smell was a bit bad, but it was definitely worth it.”

Is this really the woman I rely on to know all there is to know about world geography and Coronation Street? Apparently so… And her talents don’t end with sploshing. Team Splosh (as we call ourselves these days) has just won the pub quiz twice in a row now and more than anyone else this year including Simon and his mob (who incidentally runs a BDSM dungeon and was once on TV quiz Fifteen-to-One).
(If this sounds a bit bizarre, I should point out that as well as Team Splosh! and Team Dungeon, our pub quiz features an ex-East End gangster who pairs up with the local millionaire estate agent, the gang from the cash and carry where we buy our cake mix (who know EXACTLY) what we do with it), an ex-session musician and the local conductor guard from the Charing Cross train, and a group from the local autism home who contrary to the movie definitely aren’t ‘Rainmen’ – they never win a bloody thing).

So if anyone tells you pub quizzes are just for nerds take a look at these as a starter for ten and think what you could do with them. No prizes for the answer to that one though.

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As I mentioned earlier in the bit you probably won’t read, Sammy-Jane came down on Thursday for a private session. Yes, we still offer private sessions when we can fit them around our own shoots, and this particular customer has been coming for years so it’s always a good laugh.
The gentleman concerned is one of many sploshers who likes to adopt a female alter ego for his sploshing activities – in this case Stephanie Tart. Steph is tall, usually dark, and today was dressed as a pink polcewoman (due to a uniform mix up at the police station – according to his carefully written scenario). Sam and I like a bit of roleplay in a session so we had great fun (her as the shoplifter WPC Tart was supposed to be interrogating, me as the off-screen Sergeant).
The story went that Sam was trying to destroy the shoplifting evidence by pouring it over the hapless WPC only to discover she’s a man. This makes Sammy even more determined to humiliate her and soon Tart is covered in eggs, custard, rice pudding, jam and pink cake mix, her non-regulation knickers filled with treacle and hair shampooed with chocolate spread. At this unfortunate juncture the Sarge appears and tells the hapless WPC to get her act together and punish the suspect or face the sack, so she repeats the process on Sammy. The scene ends with WPC telling the Sergeant that Sammy has now learned her lesson and will never do it again, only for Sam to dump a bucket of cake mix over her and flee!
Okay, you had to be there…especially as Ms Tart is one of the people who doesn’t like to be photographed or filmed except for his own use. Hence the lack of photos here. This is something we totally respect. We don’t do private sessions to plaster them over the internet. Private means private, unless you (and the model) want to share it.
We also welcome cross dressers, sissies and drag queens to join in the fun. Frankly, we love an excuse to camp it up, so don’t hesitate to drop me a line if are serious about a session.

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