If you have a rubber, PVC or nylon garment you’d like use to soak or mess up in a movie simply drop us a line at bill@splosh.co.uk and we’ll give it a go!

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Mix pervs and Playdoh and this is what you get

I went to another St Leonards munch in my local pub on Wednesday to be handed a lump of Playdoh by beautifully buxom hostess Hellenes and told to make something ‘erotic’. Sadly my efforts are too pathetic to be recorded here, unlike the lips lovingly crafted by a lady called Jewel and the knobbly cock created by Kitty that somehow ‘got together’ above. But I managed to get hold of photos of some of the better ones…

Morph - the Porn Movie!

Whilst many settled for making cocks or tits with varying degrees of accuracy, a  gentleman called Bumblepee provided two scenes from what I can only be described as a mucky version of Morph including facesitting and a nicely made threesome.

"Cracking threesome, Gromit!" cried Wallace unaware the dog was watching his master through the keyhole.

Also worthy of mention was another couple produced a whole series of plastercine BDSM toys including handcuffs, a butt plug and a cat o’ nine tails (or as one non-muncher described it, “Ooooh look a red octopus!”). And somebody created this fine caned bottom, much praised by Hellenes for its detail – and not remotely cos it’s what she would like to inflict herself!

Bottom's up! Well it is a pub, afterall.

Meanwhile at another table, for the less artistically minded, a gingerly hirsuite man was having his chest hair waxed away rather painfully by just about every woman in the pub much to the amusement of onlookers – and his considerable pleasure!

That was the scene that greeted three young, rather drunk girls, who fell in our ordinary pub on a snowy Wednesday night somewhat pissed and now wondering if they dreamt it all. No, you didn’t, ladies. Check your mobile phones – you have several pictures taking it in turns to lick the cock!

So what has this go to do with sploshing? Well, I did get to tell the Billie Piper story (again) and Jewel is considering having a messy tea party with ten female friends at the studio in the spring – so the munches  are gradually attracting more sploshy interest. In the meantime, they are fantastic fun and as you may have gathered very informal, so you should consider coming down to St Leonards on the second Wednesday of each month. Maybe in the summer we might even get enough together for a pie fight!

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1. When the Munch Got Messy…
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Sarah's First Gunging

Phew! Well, we’ve just about cleared up after what was undoubtedly our biggest ever private session. Over 150 pies, 36 litres of custard and nine full buckets of thick cake mix (all pastel colours – no red or brown we were told) were thrown at and over three girls – one of them completely new to messy modelling! Yes, it was quite a baptism, but as you can see, we didn’t let her off lightly!

Charlie, Sarah and Lily S learn what's in store

The three lovely girls were Charlie and Sarah from Essex and Lily S who had travelled from Derby for the day. Charlie had worked with Gungegirls in the past and although newly pregnant was only too happy to cross the Thames for this spectacular session. Lily was equally enthusiastic, though she normally works at home with a webcam. Newcomer Sarah was understandably nervous…but it wasn’t long before she was ‘mucking in’ quite literally.

The pies start to fly...

The excited threesome were to take part in three sketches – that meant three changes of clothes and nine showers as well as the sessions themselves so it was going to be a long afternoon. Fortunately our visitor had carefully scripted the items so the girls could take turns in the shower, otherwise we might have been there all day.

..and Sarah gets the hang of it quickly!

The first sketch was a demonstration of pie throwing to teach Sarah how to throw – and take a pie. Not that she really needed instruction – it was just a good excuse to throw a total of around 70 pies at the girls, a lot ending up in Sarah’s direction. Lots of giggling and no shying away – in fact, in Lily’s case, in the quieter moments she’d happily pie herself.

Sketch two was about covering the girls completely in the 36 litres of custard which they all enjoyed even though the magic yellow liquid varied dramatically in temperature from the boiling hot to the freezing cold! Sarah even obliged us by rolling around in the deep puddle of custard on the floor – an act of extreme bravery beyond the call of duty given the rapidly reducing warmth of the mess.

Then came the finale – a sort of quiz with the girls in their best dresses being pied, pieing each other, and then getting three buckets of gunge each!

Charlie's second bucket of cake mix

Charlie was up first and she and baby happily submitted to the multi-coloured gallons of goo. Then came Sarah. The pies and custard had warmed her up and she was ony too happy to sit under the three torrents of thick heavy cake mix…

Sarah feels in the pink at her gunge debut

First  orange was poured over her, then pink and finally a bucket of green gunge was thrown at her and the rest poured over her head…

Sarah finds our studio comes with food thrown in...

But rather than run away, Sarah sat taking the lot only to be decorated with the remains of the custard by Lily for her troubles. A great trooper, and probably the most messy debut by any sploshing model. So big respect!

Lily S - quiet at last!

Not that Lily had much time to be cocky about giving poor Sarah the cold custard treatment! The chatty, giggly home splosher was soon silenced by a gallon of yellow cake mix followed closely by pink…

She'll get you back for this - and she did!

and then green…

Only when our guest rewarded her brief period of quietude with the last few remaining pies in her face did she return to her normal noisy self. Lily pulled him down into deep lake of cake and custard, made him lie on his back and then buried him in everything she could find – ending up triumphantly standing with one foot on his prostrate form (hidden deep beneath a mucky mountain of mess and paper plates).

It was a fine finish to a fun afternoon – even though the showering went on well into the evening and the clearing up filled the weekend! Lily, Sarah and Charlie were all excellent. They laughed, chatted and squealed but never once protested – even though messy sessions in mid-January are never the most comfortable. Many thanks to them, and to our annual guest who always introduces us to interesting people.

See you again next year – and, we hope, we’ll see the girls a lot sooner than that!

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So that's the full menu Madam?

Bit of a miserable week for me as I was laid low with an attack of flu-bris – the hubris caused when you think you have defeated the flu and instead it comes back worse than ever. So, coughing, sneezing etc I have been stuck indoors for the last seven days except for a brief visit from Clown Julie’s comedy partner Charlie who told me all about their pie-flinging encounter with mature glamour puss, Miss Jones…

There’s only one thing disappointing about meeting Charlie. You really want him to arrive in a miniature car with every panel painted a different primary colour, which comes to a halt with a massive explosion blowing the doors off and making foam squirt out of the radiator. That’s what clown cars do. Sadly hire cars don’t and as Charlie is by day a serious scientist and he was en route from meetings in London to ’something he couldn’t talk about’ in Finland, that was what he was drivng.

After picking up one of Julie frocks and his clown shoes from the studio (as you can see from the picture above taken from their film in our downloads section you need a big car for those alone!), we popped down the pub where the ’serious scientist’ was far more impressed by the St Austell bitter that was on sale. We started to chat. Now Charlie isn’t the boastful sort, but even so conversations with him do tend to leave you feeling somewhat inferior. As if the casually-mentioned trip to Finland wasn’t impressive enough, Charlie had just returned from the Canadian Arctic where he’d been living in a tent eating such Inuit delicacies as seal eyes and raw liver (apparently they like it that way cos it’s warm and wet). I began to see why the beer was so impressive.
Entertainment was a bit short out in the Arctic as well. It was a choice between watching the Inuit TV station featuring an Eskimo Blue Peter that taught kids how to trap, skin and disembowel groundhogs or editing a film of Julie and Miss Jones getting messy on his laptop. Tough call – not!
For those who have yet to visit her website, Miss Jones is a mature model who specialises in what could best be described as 60s-style glamour (lots of stockings and sussies) who’d seen Julie at work and fancied taking part in a clown-style pie-throwing routine with her. Charlie had been asked to help shoot it and edit it in return for use of the messy bit of the film – which we hope might be coming to Splosh! Downloads in the future. Julie was doing it purely for the chance to have a pie fight with another woman!

In many ways, it went very well. Miss Jones proved a natural comedienne and literally couldn’t stop laughing all the time she was pieing Julie. She was also good at taking the pies as well, her facial expressions being exactly the comic style they both love. The only difficult bit was Charlie and Miss Jones’ photograher co-operating on the two camera shoot. Apparently this turned into a scene more like the Charlie character we know and love with them arguing over who was filming what, when to start and whether to stop. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear… It had more than an element of the Chuckle Brothers about it, especially as the cameras emitted a loud ‘bing-bong’ every time they started, all of which had to be removed in the edit. However, whilst the clowning around behind the cameras was a bit exasperating, the clowning around in front of them was extremely arousing. Fingers slipped everywhere as the two ladies got covered in creamy pie, and Julie was in messy heaven. Miss Jones seemed pretty happy too.

As I said, we hope we can bring you this film in the future, and of course more Julie adventures with Gilly, Sammy and Co when Charlie returns from whatever remote spot he is working in next. I did wonder (in light of the famous shoe bomber incident) what airport security would make of Charlie’s oversized red footwear. Perhaps he is already languishing in some jail being waterboarded by US soldiers. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…
PS Just thought of this…How can you tell an Iraqi clown? He has the only car that doesn’t blow up…

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Sweet Sue is a regular weekend drinker in The Fountain (my regular pub for new readers) and is what can best be described as an ‘affectionate drunk’. Happily married to a man so calm and unemotional he makes Stephen Hawking look overly exuberant (and way too smiley), she likes to spend the evening drinking lager and then cuddling her friends, of which I am about fifth in line. Sometimes it goes slightly further but I’m not complaining – it’s not exactly a chore, although the small price for a bit of bodily contact is a lengthy diatribe about her week at work. Last week however I noticed she was coughing a lot and she admitted to feeling a bit odd. I made a mental note to try and resist any physical temptation as I had a busy week ahead. Unfortunately that note got lost in the wash of several pints of Old Empire, so as well as sharing all her stories from her working week by Tuesday I was sharing her symptoms.
At that point I did feel rough – hot, sore throat, cough, knackered – but nothing that couldn’t be put down to a cold. However I made the mistake of going on the NHS website which in turn sent me to the National Panic-Inducing one I mentioned earlier. “Do you have a temperature? Sore throat? Blocked nose? Cough?” it demanded. “Yes,” I replied unable to qualify it with “but not a very bad one”. “You have swine flu,” it proclaimed. “Stay at home. Get a friend to go to the doctors and pick up Tamiflu tablets. Your code number is…. Tell them to bring identification etc etc.” It was like something from those Protect & Survive nuclear attack broadcasts of the 60s. I was a casualty in the Slight Cold War!
By Thursday I didn’t feel any worse and besides Sammy was booked to do a private session at the studio so I went there, did that (see above) and since the studio is near the chemists I also decided to pick up my Tamiflu in person (I didn’t need them but as you only get one dose, I thought it best to have them ready for later in the winter when I might).
“I’ve come to pick up my Tamiflu,” I said to the middle-aged lady behind the counter.
“You shouldn’t be out!” she admonished severely and scurried away so quickly I genuinely thought she had gone into hiding, and was now cowering in some germ-resistant bunker. But it turned out she was getting a form to fill in which I did. By now, the other customers in the shop were looking at me like a plague victim, so I waited outside. As I did, I saw the assistant wiping the pen I’d used and her counter with a wet wipe! Blimey! Everything I touch is toxic!
A few minutes later my Tamiflu were brought out to me (they clearly didn’t want me back in their shop) and I took them home. I haven’t used them. I still feel a bit crap but if this IS swine flu it is milder than most colds and a lot less debilitating than a migraine. If it isn’t, then can I cast doubt on the official statistics that the number of swine flu victims has ‘leapt’ from 3,000 to 5,000 this week. I bet a lot of those are like me. Mild cold sufferers who have no way of differentiating between the two on their website.
And yes I have been a bit public spirited. I am keeping out of the pub when it is crowded which meant missing Sarah’s birthday bash last night (boo) and the Fetish Night (double boo – one for each boob!). But I shall go in for the quiz on Sunday when there are only about 20 people around. Even if I am passing on fatal swine flu, a cull of pub trivia geeks would, quite frankly, be a public service!

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Although Dolly is a regular visitor to the Splosh! studios – not to mention our local pub (the local B&B owner telling us ’she is quite often a bit hungover in the mornings!”) this was Candy Custard’s first time here, and only her second professional shoot. Rather surprisingly, she liked Hastings rating it above her native Hinkley on the grounds that “it has the sea and Debenhams”. So it follows that she was keen to enjoy the full seaside experience. The sun was out, for once, so the top heavy twosome went for a walk on the beach to admire the front – something that happens to them all the time! Despite being chilly they had to have ice creams and even a paddle


before hitting some of Hastings top designer shops (like the local angling emporium cos they liked the name,

and Substance, a shop that sells a combination of ’smoking requisites’ and sex aids so is known locally as the Dong & Bong). Then full of rubbish seaside food they came to the studio to play with a lot more!
We managed to shoot two films with them. The first was based on the famous old song Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better, with the girls boasting abut just how messy or rude they could be and trying to outdo each other. A lot of pies, eggs, custard, chocolate sauce, cake mix and treacle covered every inch of their spectacular curves and by the end – at absolutely no insistance from me – they were kissing and licking each other’s tits, fondling their own and their opponent’s fannies and getting stuck into some serious mucky minge munching. The breathing made it obvious to even the most cynical splosh film maker that these girls were doing it for real and loving what they were getting up to. Anything You Can Do will be a download on this site soon, but before then we will be running stills from it to let you know what a horny time you are in for.
The second movie was for Gilly’s Silly House (www.gillysillyhouse.com) and should be available for members to download this weekend. It’s a two part adventure starring DD in her famous Alice role and Candy as the Queen of Hearts. Just as the story goes, she had made some tarts and it isn’t long before the dumplinged duo are indulging in a tit-for-tat pie fight washed down with plenty of custard.



That will be Part One which will be at the Silly House this weekend – look out for more pictures from it on the Forum then.
But in Part Two the action gets a lot hotter as the chocolate, cake mix and treacle come out. Again with no direction from me our girls were plunging their faces between each other’s enormous knockers, playing with each other’s sticky pussies and taking it in turns to bury their heads between their new mucker’s thighs! It is very steamy stuff as these shots show. More to follow on the Forum next week.


Again, the breathing gives away just how genuine all this is. These girls are both REAL SPLOSHERS.
Finally we hit the pub, and still fired by adrenalin and in the girls’ cases a lot of sexual energy the drink flowed. In Candy’s case it was in the form of double vodka and cokes whilst Dolly and I stuck to a more moderate singles knowing we weren’t going anywhere for a long while. Thanks to the rate they were going down, the money being pumped into the juke box to keep the cheesy music going and the boss being away, Shane (our favourite barman) kept us locked in till after 4am! By this time the girls had entertained local pissheads like Masonic Jim and John the Alice Cooper fan and been approached by an over amorous gentleman from the Czech republic. Spotting Candy’s considerable cuddle buckets, he came over and said, “I luurrvvve your cleave-arge. Please be my partner!” When she turned him down (and we asked him to talk to someone else) he muttered something about us all being racists and disappeared forgotten into the night.
Less easily forgotten is the moment we left Candy alone with Jason our local garage proprietor. Dolly and I were chatting at the bar when we turned round and saw she was giving him a pole dancing demo! Then, just to prove what he had learned, Jason returned the compliment, stripping off his shirt and dancing for her! Well, it was 3am by then!
At 4.30, even Shane had had enough of our antics and I dropped CC and DD at the B&B where amazingly they made it up for breakfast at 8.30 (I didn’t even make lunch!). However, their Full Englishes went pretty well untouched…
“You didn’t do very well, did you?” said Pat the owner.
How wrong you are, Pat. They did VERY WELL and when all of you see the Silly House videos and the Splosh! one later on, you’ll be bound to agree. Meanwhile, I’m off to a rest home to recover.

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The item which featured Gilly and the gang covering each other in custard, cake sitting and filling each other’s knickers ran on and off throughout the original show and proved so popular, an edited version made it onto the Best of Graham Norton compilation shown last week (hence the listing on iPlayer).
Other guests on our show included rock singer Alice Cooper, a bit of an icon for me in my teenage days, and I am delghted to say I now have his autograph. He seemed somewhat more amused by sploshing than Ms Toksvig.
And although he may not remember it, this is not the first time Graham Norton has encountered our magazine. Many years ago before he was a Five Million Pound Celebrity, he hosted a late night show on ITV called Carnal Knowledge where couples were quizzed on what they knew abut sex. One round featured was a sort of “What’s My Line” with a mystery guest miming his occupation and the couples having to guess what they did for a living. Well, one week it was me! I duly mimed making up custard pies and let them try and guess my bizarre job but nobody got close. I was then allowed to plug the magazine weith Graham for three minutes during which time he moaned about the cover price but held the magazine up to the camera so I didn’t complain.
Less enjoyable was the run up to the show. As I was a ‘mystery guest’, I wasn’t allowed to join all the others in ‘hospitality’. Instead I was locked in a small room the size of a cupboard and given a crate of Becks to work my way through! Since the show ran rather late, the Becks ran out before I did, but I was certainly ‘chatty’. In fact I remember them telling me off for not giving yes and no answers to the cntestant’ questions but full sentences – and more!
Carnal Knowledge still gets shown occasionally on Challenge TV and the like, and as well as launching Graham Norton ( a dubious merit), it also put me back in touch with an old school girlfriend who I hadn’t seen for 20 odd years. She saw the show and e-mailed me with the line, “Congratulations on the magazine – shame about the baldness. Do get in touch.” We have been ever since and not only has she had a messy session in the studio, but now has a framed copy of Splosh! No 35 in her bathroom!
You see, sploshers are everywhere…

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When Gilly arrived at Hydee’s house to pick her up and take her to the studio, the versatile model (who is a trained dancer, stilt walker and plumber!) was still in bed. So, did she rush to get ready for the drive to St Leonards? Did she hell! She turned up in her pyjamas! It took a couple of big mugs of coffee before she changed out of her PJs and into the mad character in Gillyrella but once she was awake she was brilliant.
We had completely forgotten that this was Hydee’s first experience of being covered in anything other than shaving foam – and during the film she gets deluged in several buckets of bright coloured sponge mix. How did she find it?

She loved it!
“I loved the cake mix!” she enthused. “It tastes lovely. Much nicer than shaving foam!”
Well, now we know, Hydee, there’ll be plenty more to come! If you can keep awake long enough!

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No problem there….especially as the double D-lightful Decadent Doll was down that week to throw the pies and pour the custard (though she did get quite a few herself).

Dressed in a very nice PVC dress (her own), we sat Emily in the now notorious inflatable chair and let her have it! Her first ever pie in the face was greeted with gales of laughter and even the chilly custard shampoo had her giggling like a schoolgirl.


Whilst her photographer Danny clicked away, a good old fashioned food fight broke out between Dolly and Emily – and all idea of directing them went out of the window. Emily got the ginger cake mix and the maple syrup whilst Dolly took more pies, but it was the custard that the Divine Miss M seemed to like the most.


At the end, of course DD and Emily were the best of messy friends and Dolly even let Emily use the shower first – which like a born splosher she did with her clothes on!

Then came the final surprise! Danny the photographer insisted on being pied as well – even though he had no spare clothes. Of course Emily and DD were happy to oblige, and we hope to have a pic of that when the feature comes out in a month or so. He went home with just his jacket over his bare chest….
By the end, Emily couldn’t stop smiling and admitted that it had been a great, fun experience. We look forward to seeing the feature and will tell you when it appears here and on the forum.

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We genuinely had no plans other than social when she arrived but she looked so good (having lost a little weight from everywhere but her spectacular boobs) we asked if she fancied trying on one of PVC outfits. Being up for almost anything, she squeezed herself into something shiny and then started taunting us to get her messy.

Well, it was a nice hot day, so we thought we’d start by hosing her down with some nice, cool water (for ‘nice and cool’ read freezing throughout) and she took it like a star – in the chest, in the bare tummy and in the face till her vinyl was running rivers inside and out all the way down her platform highboots.

Slipping out of her sodden mac, we then decided to ‘interview’ her about her 18 month absence…

“So you’ve been travelling the world?”
“That’s right…”
“And during that time, did anyone throw a pie at you. Like this?”
SPLAT!
“Mmmppff. No…”
“What about, like this?”
SPLAT, SPLAT!
Gales of laughter…
“No, not really…”
And so on….

After the pies came some rice pudding and some custard, especially down that cavernous cleavage, before more pies took their place.
Undoing the buckles on her slippery PVC top, and letting us see the those spectacular summits, outside the Himalayas we then gave her the final (or should that be Vinyl?) coup de grace – a huge bucket of red cake mix! So huge it not only engulfed her head but her huge hooters as well (eventually!).
Now Lee wasn’t going to take that lying down (or even sitting down) so as the lager kicked in, she grabbed me and made me sit in the now squishy slippery chair.

“If I’m getting messy, you’re getting messy!” she reasoned. Oh nooooo!
Too late, the pies started smacking in my face followed by a similar deluge in custard and rice pudding as she got (though thankfully for you all without the toplessness!). It was then I had what I thought was a brilliant idea. We’d both sit on the inflatable chair, Lee on my lap. But we reckoned without just how slippery custard covered inflatable furniture can be – especially if you are wearing well lubricated PVC. Before we could do anything we’d slid at some speed onto the floor, landing in a heap of custard covered brown boobs and plastic-covered bum.
We tried again, sliding onto the floor once more, giggling away like the drunken idiots we were! Then I decided to let her have the chair for one last can of cleavage-bound rice pudding before sitting her on my lap for a deliberate slide halfway across the studio floor.

Let nobody tell you otherwise….food-lubricated PVC is the greatest fun. One minute you have a lovely bum sliding around on your crotch, the next a huge pair of PVC-clad hooters are filling your face. Mmmmm! Definitely the way to spend a Friday afternoon!
If you don’t believe me, take a look at the pictures on the Mad Macs pages now!

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